


Tear Your Plans

by wanderluster



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 33,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderluster/pseuds/wanderluster
Summary: Clarke Griffin has her whole life planned out. She is in college to become a doctor. She has a boyfriend who she plans to marry. She even has a job lined up. Everything is exactly how she wants it to be, that is until she meets Lexa Woods. When she is forced to do a project with Lexa and life throws her a series of curveballs, will she stick to the plan or tear them apart?
Relationships: Anya & Raven Reyes, Anya/Lexa (The 100), Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 99
Kudos: 288





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic :) Thank you so much for reading. Open to new suggestions and feedback. Enjoy!

Chapter 1:   
Clarke is sitting in the library preparing for final exams. It is her last year at the university before she begins her residency at a hospital. Last summer, she did an internship, thanks to the help from her mom, Abby. Clarke and Abby have had a rocky relationship through the years. Her daughter had always known that she wanted her to be a doctor, and of course that is what her father had wanted for her, too. So that is exactly what Clarke had done. She studied hard in high school to get a scholarship to the university, where she maintained her GPA in the top percent to get into med school. 

Along with that, Clarke was dating Finn Collins, her high school sweetheart. They had been together for five years now and she knew that she wanted to marry him. It just made sense. Her dad, Jake had approved, so she could not imagine doing anything else. Clarke Griffin has her whole life planned out. A career and a boyfriend. What else could she need?

Clarke sat restlessly making a To-Do list for the week. She always created one; that is how she stayed organized. She wrote: To Do: chapters 17 anatamony, chapter 18,14 bio, assignment 5 chemistry, tutoring @ 6pm Wed, psych journal. With that, she packed up her school supplies and headed back to her apartment. Walking through campus, she remembered how she thought college was going to be and realized it was not even close to her imagination. Workload was way more than she could have ever anticipated and keeping up with her tutoring and organizations proved to be difficult. She had little time to hang out with people or party, but she did always make time for her two best friends, Octavia and Raven. She was meeting them for drinks in an hour. 

When she got home, Finn was not there. Quickly, she changed into something nicer and brushed her hair. Clarke was exhausted from the studying and the thinking, but she did her best to smile for other people. If there was one thing she figured out: people don’t like other people when they are negative all the time. Knocking on Octavia’s door loudly, she had already heard the music thumping in the hallway. 

The door opened with Octavia grinning, “Griffin!” she embraced Clarke. She could smell the booze already. Raven was standing on the other side of the island with a wine glass in her hand. 

“Hey Griffy!” She said.

“Are you two already drunk?” Clarke laughed at her friends who had more of a drinking habit than she had. 

They both giggled and looked at each other. “Better get caught up to us.” Raven handed her a wine glass full of white wine.  
“So Raven was just talking about this new girl she met…” Octavia said excitedly.

“New girl?” Clarke inquired smirking at her friend. Raven did date a lot of women and typically did not tell her friends about them unless they pried her. Clarke was surprised that she was talking about it. 

“Yeah, I met her at a party last weekend. I don’t know.” Raven said sheepishly looking at her wine. Octavia and Clarke were both taken aback. 

“You don’t know what?” Octavia asked. Usually Raven was much cockier about this kind of thing. 

“I might, you know ask her out on a date.” She said shrugging. 

“A date?!” Octavia and Clarke looked at each other with their jaw drops. Raven on a date. Even the thought was funny.

“Damn, Ray, getting pretty serious over there.” Clarke joked. 

“Oh, shut up. Just because you have lover boy over there. You do not know how awful dating can be.” Raven jabbed at Clarke and she laughed. Octavia laughed too.   
“You too, O. You and Lincoln are disgusting.” Raven added.

Clarke's cheeks were getting red from the alcohol already. “How is Lincoln anyway?” Clarke and Lincoln were also good friends from high school, but he was a year older and working an hour away. 

“Good. Now let’s go. They’ll be waiting for us.” Octavia said rushing the two women out the door.

“Who will be waiting for us?” Clarke asked confused, downing the rest of her wine in the glass. 

“Raven’s woman.” She replied with her eyebrows shooting up. Raven’s cheeks flushed.   
….  
When the gang arrived at the bar, it was packed for a Thursday night. Clarke typically did not like to go out on school nights, but her friends had been complaining that they do not see enough of her recently. As a result, Clarke was saying yes to everything lately. 

“Cheers!” the three woman clanked their shot glasses together. Clarke winced at the taste, but she noticed her friends did not. She really did need to get out more with them. The music was bumping, people were dancing, and laughter filled the air. 

Two women approached the group. Clarke’s eyes gazed to the tall brunette woman who was absolutely gorgeous. She had to close her mouth to stop from drooling and quickly look away from the women. Her hair was long and flowing down past her shoulders. Black clung to her body as if she had claimed the color of clothing, like no one else could even wear it. She had sharply cut cheekbones and a wind grin as she was introduced to the group. Lexa Woods. Why did that name sound so familiar to Clarke? 

The other woman was Anya, the one Raven had a crush on. She was equally as beautiful with wavy blonde hair an intimidating gaze.   
“I’m Clarke,” Clarke managed to choke out to the two women. Lexa’s gaze met her suddenly and it looked like her eyes had dropped and eyebrows furrowed. Could she possibly think Clarke looked familiar as well? Clarke just looked away. 

Raven on the other hand, was redder than the cherry drink she was holding. Raven and Anya were engulfed in each other’s presence, not noticing anything around them. Lexa watched them and chuckled slightly to herself. Octavia took a phone call from Lincoln. Which left Clarke and Lexa alone. 

A few moments passed until Clarke said, “So what are you studying?” 

“Business,” Lexa replied taking a sip of her drink. “What about you?” 

“I’m pre-med.” She replied. And that is when she saw it. It was Finn. He was dressed in brown jacket and jeans. His hair was sweaty from dancing and he was smiling. Clarke was not because he was holding another women’s hand. Clarke tried to see if she could recognize her. She looked away and looked back making sure it was real. Suddenly, he leaned in to kiss her and they were making out against the wall. Didn’t he say he was working on a project tonight..?  
Lexa was laughing at something she said. 

“What?” Clarke asked her annoyed still looking at Finn and this other girl. She felt her anger rising. This is not how it was suppose to go. 

“You have to know what I mean. You are always kissing that professor’s ass.” That was when Clarke realized how she recognized the woman. She was in her psychology class, always rolling her eyes at her. 

Clarke felt red as her eyes were glued to her boyfriend. They were dancing now. Finn lifted her arm to let her spin as she happily fell into his arms. He looked like he was having fun, Clarke noted. 

“Are you calling me a kiss ass?” Clarke snapped at Lexa. It was like she felt nothing but anger and pain. She was not about to stand here and be insulted by some woman she did not even know.

Lexa just smirked. “That is exactly what I am calling you. Unless you would prefer teacher’s pet.” 

“I would prefer if you would go fuck yourself!” Clarke spat storming out of the bar. 

“Why? So you can watch?” Lexa was enjoying this. 

Clarke stopped in her tracks and turned around. Raven and Anya were watching them with their eyes wide. “What the fuck, Clarke?” Raven shook her head. 

Clarke just looked over once more at Finn, who again was kissing the women. She just wiped a tear that slipped out her eye and left.   
….  
When Clarke got back to the apartment, she was sobbing. Octavia and Raven both tried to call her and text her a few times but Clarke ignored them. How could Finn do this to her? How many times has her done this? What more has he done? She thought back to all the late nights and the throw ups and the apologies that she did not understand. Immediately, it was clear that this was a common occurrence. Clarke slid to the floor and did not know what to do. This was her plan. 

She noticed a note on the kitchen table that read:  
Studying with Murphy. Be home late. I love you princess ❤

Clarke teared the note to shreds.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:   
Clarke decided to spend the night at Octavia’s apartment. She had an extra key and waited for her to get home. Clarke went to the bathroom to look at herself. Mascara was smeared across her cheeks, and her hair was wild and tangled, as opposed to tame like it typically is. Red eyes looked back at hers. All she could think about was her dad. He never would have wanted this for her. She remembered a time when she was a kid running around, wild and free.

...  
(MEMORY)  
“That’s amazing, honey. You have a real talent, you know, Clarke.” Jake had said with a twinkle in his eye to Clarke. They were on vacation standing in front of a beautiful lake with towering mountains over it. Jake and Clarke were painting the scenery in front of them. Clarke loved to paint. Jake was not an artist at all and neither was Abby, so he had no idea where she got the talent from. 

Clarke's painting was as beautiful as the scene in front of her. It was not identical but more abstract. The lake was peaking through the pine trees with vibrant colors. Clarke smiled at her father, whose picture was nothing compared to hers. 

“I’m serious, kiddo. A talent like that. You can’t let that go to waste.” He smiled at her. “You know, I know you have always dreamed of being a doctor like your mother and I, but you don’t have to be if that is not what you want.” Jake was looking at her with his green eyes. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to be just like you, Dad?” Clarke joked. He just pointed to his painting and they laughed hysterically. Clarke was so happy. 

...  
Clarke laughed at the reflection she saw in her mirror. She realized that she hasn’t felt that happy since her dad was alive. 

“Clarke?” She heard Octavia call, disrupting her from her thoughts. She quickly wiped away the tears on her puffy, red face. 

When Octavia saw the girl, she immediately embraced her. “Oh, Clarke. What happened?” 

Clarke hung tightly to the girl. “I saw Finn at the bar.” Clarke let out. “He was with another girl.” 

“That fuck,” Octavia immediately said raging. “I have never liked him.”

Clarke was out of tears. She could only feel emptiness.   
“I know.” Clarke replied. Octavia stepped back and looked at her. 

“Well, how are you doing, I mean?” she softly changed her tone. 

“I don’t know.” Clarke replied at first. “I mean. I have been thinking about it and it’s not really losing Finn that hurts. You are right by not liking him. He hasn’t exactly been that great since we have gotten to college. It’s the betrayal. It’s the plan.” 

“You and your plans,” Octavia chuckled at her friend. “Sometimes, the best things in life are the things that are unexpected.” Clarke only smiled. Octavia always had a way of making her feel better, and she had been a huge help when Jake had passed away. 

“I know exactly what will make you feel better,” Octavia said as if she was reading her mind. She pulled out an opened bottle of wine from the fridge and ice cream from the freezer. Cookie dough- Clarke’s favorite. 

Clarke laughed at her best friend. Octavia poured Clarke a glass of wine along with herself.   
“You know,” Clarke started picking at her ice cream, “Finn acted so different when my dad died.” She had just realized this when she was thinking about Jake. 

Octavia nodded. “Worse differently, Clarke. You just did not want to see it.” 

Clarke sighed. Her friend was right. 

“It’s like he can only see you as broken now. And that is not who you are. You are strong and whole. Don’t you think you deserve someone who thinks that about you?” she looked at Clarke seriously. 

Clarke was crying again, but this time because she felt so lucky to have Octavia in her life. She also knew that her friend was right and she was disappointed at her own lack of self-awareness. This was all a lot to process. 

“What should I do?” Clarke looked at Octavia who was rubbing her back. 

“Come move in with me.” She said immediately. Clarke made a face. “Come on. You know Echo is never here anyway. I will talk to her. She’s been trying to move in with her boyfriend forever now. She is practically waiting to get out of this lease. It will make her happy…and me.” 

Clarke nodded. “We can move your stuff out this weekend, if that’s what you want to do. We can call some friends to help.” 

“Yeah, that is what I want.” Clarke told her. “I don’t know what I would do with out you, O.” 

“Well, you don’t have to know.” She smirked. “We can talk more about this tomorrow. Oh, and you should probably talk to Finn. Eventually, I mean.” 

...  
When Clarke woke up, she had almost forgotten that she had class. Last night was so emotionally draining, she hadn’t even thought about school. She quickly showered and slipped on some of Octavia’s clothes. Practically running, she made it to her class on time. 

She smiled at her professor, Professor Jaha. He smiled back and said, “Good morning Clarke.” She sat down in her usual spot in the front row. She noticed Lexa a few seats away from her. 

Lexa smiled at her, but Clarke quickly turned away. She was saved by Professor Jaha, who began the lecture.   
At the end of the lecture, Jaha spoke about a personality project. “You will be working with a partner. Since we have a small class, I will just pair you up quickly now.” 

He signaled to people sitting next to each other. When he got to Clarke, he pointed to Lexa. 

She looked at the brunette again who sheepishly smiled and shrugged. Clarke let out a sigh. 

After class, Clarke was going to try to convince her professor that she could not possibly work with Lexa. This was not optimal for her education she would say. And of course, she could just simply switch. Not a big deal. She began writing down all the reasons why she should switch partners on a sticky note to present to Jaha.   
Before she finished, Lexa was in front of her. 

“Clarke.” She said quickly and almost panicked. 

“Don’t worry, Lexa. I’m sure we can get Jaha to switch us so we don’t have to work together.” She interrupted not even looking at the girl. She did not have the emotional capacity to argue with anyone right now. 

“No, Clarke. I just, I wanted to apologize for last night.” Lexa said slowly looking at Clarke. 

“What?” Clarke slipped furrowing her eyebrows. Lexa was apologizing? This was not expected. 

Lexa looked nervous. “Yes. I mean, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you and I shouldn’t have said those things.”   
“There’s nothing wrong with having a good relationship with a professor. Besides, you’re probably doing way better in this class than me anyway.” Lexa continued. 

Clarke did not say anything. She was shocked and the woman standing in front of her looked even more beautiful than she remembered last night.

“Can we just maybe start over?” Lexa asked genuinely. 

“Sure.” Clarke said slowly. “For Raven’s sake. I’m sure we will have to hang out again.” Lexa looked relieved. Her shoulders and face sank down into a smile. 

“But,” Clarke continued. “That doesn’t mean that we have to work on this project together.” If the blonde was being honest, she wanted to work on this with Lexa. There was something about the girl that made Clarke want to know everything about her. Perfumed on her was mysteriousness and this project was about her personality. Clarke admitted to herself that she was curious who Lexa really was. 

“Please, Clarke.” Lexa pleaded with her, her eyes looking Clarkes. Maybe for a moment too long. Clarke noticed that they were green, like Jake's eyes, only lighter. They reminded her of clear green lake water being hit by the sun.

Clarke smiled and Lexa quickly reflected hers. 

“Okay.” She almost whispered. 

Clarke teared up her sticky note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :) Thanks for reading and for the feedback!


	3. Chapter 3

Octavia and Clarke had asked Raven, Bellamy, Jasper, and Monty to help move Clarke’s stuff out. Apart of Clarke felt guilty because Finn would just walk in later that day and all of her stuff would be gone. She hadn’t answered any of his calls or texts. She was unsure how to approach the situation. On the other hand, Clarke just wanted to scream at him and make him feel the pain he made her feel. The strange thing was Clarke wasn’t in as much pain as she thought she would be. It was almost like she felt relieved. 

When she saw Raven she gave her a big hug. “I’m going to kill that motherfucker.” 

Clarke only laughed. Echo was happy to let Clarke take over her room, especially in her situation. Apparently, Echo was not too fond of Finn either. She did not have too many things in the apartment, so it did not take long before she let Clarke to take over. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy called out when he arrived. Clarke looked over and could not help but feel butterflies. She had always had a crush on Bellamy since she was younger, but he was her best friend’s sister. He was two years older than everyone else. Also, he attended to same university. 

“I’m sorry about Finn. If you want me to beat him up I will. Anything for you.” Bellamy told Clarke happily with a smile on his face. 

“I don’t doubt that you could kick his ass. I might have to take you up on that offer later.” Clarke laughed.

Clarke was just thankful that Monty and Jasper were not high when they showed up, so that they could actually help move stuff out. 

“How are you doing?” Octavia asked when they finally moved everything. Luckily, Octavia only lived one apartment complex over, so it did not take too long. 

“Better.” Clarke replied honestly. She had smiled more in the past few hours than she had in a while. On the contrary, she had also cried in the past few hours than she had in a while, too. 

“How much better? Better enough that we celebrate you moving in with me?” Octavia asked hopefully. Clarke twisted her face in respond.   
Before she could say anything, Octavia added. “It’s totally up to you. We don’t have to. I just thought it might be a good idea to take your mind off of things tonight. I know it has been a crazy day for you.” 

“On second thought, a party sounds nice.” Clarke grinned. 

“Great!” Octavia beamed. “Anya is having something small at her place. You remember her, right? The one Raven is in love with.” 

“I am not in love with her, you asshole.” Raven called from the other room. Both girls giggled. 

“And that means Lexa will be there…What’s up with you two anyway? What happened last night. Raven told me that you two were yelling at each other?” She asked Clarke. 

Raven came out of the room curious about what she would say. Clarke’s face got red. 

“It was nothing.” Clarke told them.

“It was not nothing. I have never seen you so pissed in your life. But the things that happen with Finn makes so much sense now.” Raven thought aloud. 

“Yeah, we have a class together and she called me a kiss ass? I guess I was just mad at Finn and took it out on her.” Clarke started babbling. “She apologized to me this morning though, so it’s fine.” 

“Lexa apologized to you?” Raven said startled. 

“Yes, why?” Clarke asked confused. 

“She doesn’t really give off the vibes that she would feel sorry for something like that. You know what I mean?” Octavia answered. 

“Yes, O. Her and Anya are really close. Practically sisters. But I guess I don’t know her that well, yet.” Raven added. 

“Speaking of Anya…” Clarke gave Raven a suggestive look. “Where did you end up last night?” 

“Home. Unfortunately.” Raven answered with a mix of annoyance and disappointment. “Your friend Lexa over here got in a fight and Anya had to go take care of it.”

“Lexa got in a fight??” Clarke was not sure why she felt such a strong rush of worry for the woman. She remembered Lexa this morning and she didn’t seem like she was hurt, physically at least. But would Clarke really have noticed? She was too busy figuring out how to not be partners with her in the project. 

“Yeah. We’ll see what happens tonight though.” Raven said hopefully. 

Octavia made a gagging noise and the three women laughed together. 

...  
Clarke decided that she should finally read the messages Finn sent. She had 7 missed calls from him. 

Where are you??   
Is everything okay?  
Wtf  
Call me when you get the chance  
I’m worried  
Answer your phone.  
I’ll be home tonight at 7. If ur not there I’m calling your mom. 

Clarke looked at her watch. It was 6:15. The last thing she wanted was her mom involved in her business. Her heart dropped, but she knew she would have to face this eventually. 

Clarke decided to wait in her old apartment for Finn. They had been dating for five years. Even though it’s untrue, Clarke felt like she at least had to explain herself to him. He felt like he was practically family. On the couch she patiently sat and waited. She reflected back on their relationship. 

Finn used to make her so happy when they were in high school. They used to go on romantic dates and make love and plan their future together. When Jake died, Clarke became distant. It wasn’t only to Finn; It was to everyone. Her relationship with her mom had worsened. Finn never acted the same again towards her. He was always there for her, but it was almost like he always resented her for having to do that. Maybe she only held onto Finn to hold onto the part of her that was happy before her dad died. 

Clarke heard the doorknob turning. She composed herself to face Finn.

“Clarke?” Finn called noticing her sitting on the couch. His face changed when he noticed how empty the apartment was. “What the fuck! Where have you been? Where is everything?” 

“I’m moved out.” Clarke said confidently. She could feel herself shaking, but she knew she had to pretend to be strong, even if that is not how she really felt in the moment. 

“Why?” he fumed walking towards her. 

“I saw you last night. With that girl.” Clarke’s voice rose and she suddenly found the strength she was looking for. 

Finn’s face went white. “I, I don’t know what you think you saw-“ 

“I know what I saw, Finn. And I’m done. I know it’s not the first time you’ve cheated.” Clarke looked at him in the eyes. Right now, she did not feel sad or afraid. 

“So you’re leaving me?” Finn seemed shocked. 

Baffled by his response, Clarke shook her head in outrage. “What do you expect? Why wouldn’t I?!” Her hands went flying up in anger.

“Because of all the times I’ve been there for you!” he shouted. 

“Been there for me?” Clarke laughed in disbelief. “You have been half heartedly in this relationship since- since my dad died.” She almost did not want to bring Jake up. It scared her to say his name to Finn because they hadn’t talked about it in a long time. 

“That’s because you changed so much. You didn’t want to do things anymore. You weren’t the same person that I fell in love with.” He admitted, still yelling. 

“So why did you stay?” Clarke retorted back. “You didn’t have to fucking pretend.” 

“I was scared of what you would do if I left!” He said.

Clarke’s face fell. Scared of what she would do? What did that even mean? Finn must have noticed how confused she was because his tone became softer. 

“I just mean that I still love you Clarke. I’ve loved you this whole time. And I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” He spoke taking a step towards her. 

Clarke took a step back. “No. This is not what love is, Finn. If it is, then you can go love someone else.”   
With that, she left the apartment, her relationship, and her plans behind. 

...  
Clarke would be lying if she said that she hadn’t thought about Lexa all day. She was excited to see her, although she was not about to admit that. In her mind, she kept thinking about Lexa’s green eyes and how they locked earlier. Youth and freedom rushed through her body because of the memory. 

She decided to wear something nice and forget about Finn for the night. 

Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, and Raven came over to Octavia and Clarke’s place to pregame. This time, Monty and Jasper did show up high. They all played beer pong, which Clarke is horrible at compared to her other friends. The game left her wasted. 

Stumbling over, she fell into Bellamy’s arms. He smiled at her. “I’m so glad you’re not with Finn anymore. I always thought something was off with that guy.” 

“Everyone seems to keep saying that.” Clarke said seriously. “I guess I could never see it. But why would you care who I am with anyway?” 

A sloppy smile appeared on his face. “I care about you, Griffin.” 

Before Clarke could reply, she was being rushed out the door by Raven who wanted to see her crush. 

Anya’s apartment was bigger than Octavia and Clarke's. There was a small group of people playing drinking games around a table and music filling the room. Raven hugged Anya. They both looked equally happy to see each other. 

“Drinks are over there!” Anya told us and pointed to the kitchen. “We’re playing stack cup. Come join!” 

“Oh, I’m so good at this game.” Raven bragged. “I better be next to you so I can make you drink.” 

“We’ll see who is the one who ends up drinking,” Anya replied to her smirking. 

Clarke spotted Lexa playing the game. She was not wearing all black, but a maroon flannel. Clarke was feeling happy and confident from the alcohol. 

“Lexa!” Clarke approached the women, happier than she intended to sound. But Clarke really was happy to see her. 

“Hey Clarke!” She smiled back at her excitedly. Clarke studied her face. It was thin and he jawbones poked sharply out of her cheeks. Her face was flustered. Perhaps from the alcohol or could it be because of Clarke? Clarke’s skin brushed against Lexa’s when they were playing the game. She was entranced in Lexa’s presence, as if she was under a spell. The game ended with Raven getting the last cup along with many others. Anya thought it was hilarious. 

“Come to the bathroom with meeee,” Octavia dragged Clarke to the bathroom to pee.

“You broke the seal, O” Clarke said in bewilderment. 

“Oh please, I don’t believe in the seal. No such thing!” Octavia replied.

“Since when?” Clarke mocked. Octavia was always giving her shit In high school for going to the bathroom when they drank together. 

On the way out, something caught Clarke’s eyes. A painting hung on the wall in the hallway. It was a painting of a the back of a women holding her arms up. Above her arms was a scene of mountains that ran along a river. The river water dropped onto the women’s head. The body of the women was in between space. Clarke was obsessed with the artwork already. The painting was beautiful, bright, abstract. 

“Like what you see?” A voice said behind her. It was Lexa. Clarke’s face immediately got redder than it already was from the alcohol. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Clarke said in a whisper, as if she did not want to disturb the picture. ‘So are you’ she thought to herself and hoped she didn’t say it aloud. 

“I think so too. This painting is special to me. You are into art?” Lexa asked her curiously 

“Yes, I love it. What does it mean to you?” Clarke questioned making eye contact. There were her lake green bright eyes that she wanted to swim in. Wow, did she just want to kiss the brunette. What? Did Clarke really just think that? 

“Well, let’s just say it has a special meaning to me. What do you feel when you look at it?” Lexa inquired again. 

“You don’t take me as someone who would appreciate the arts, Woods.” Clarke slurred giving her a smile. 

Lexa just blushed and took a sip of her drink. “Nor do you, Griffin.” 

“It makes me feel connected to the world and to nature and to everything. Like we are all apart of the planet and the universe. It’s like this painting is telling me: what if everything ends up like it’s suppose to? It’s a message of hope.” Clarke continued babbling about the painting. 

Lexa couldn’t hide her smile. She stared at Clarke for a long time with amazement. That’s how Clarke knew that Lexa felt the same. 

“What do you think. Tell me why it’s so special to you?” Clarke poked again. Both of the girls had giant smiles on their face. When Clarke asked the question, Clarke noticed that Lexa’s smile flickered. It was only for a brief moment. If Clarke had not been paying attention, she wouldn’t have even noticed. This made Clarke need to know the answer. 

When Lexa didn’t answer, Clarke sang, “You know Lexa, I have to figure out your whole personality for this project anyway. I’ll figure out all your secrets eventually.” 

Lexa laughed. “I knew I shouldn’t have been partners with you.” 

“Hey!” Clarke smiled. “You were practically begging me this morning.” Lexa playfully rolled her eyes and placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. Wow, her touch felt good. 

“You know this means that I get to figure out all your secrets, too?” Lexa smirked. 

Clarke wasn’t one to open up to people easily. But there was something about Lexa that made her want to tear down her walls and expose herself. 

“Looking forward to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate you all so much. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow burn but Clexa is endgame always :)

When Clarke woke up in the morning, she found Raven and Octavia in the kitchen making breakfast. As she entered the room, both girls looked at her carefully.   
“Good morning,” Clarke smiled ignoring their strange looks. 

“Clarke, something happened last night.” Octavia said slowly.

“What’s going on?” She asked feeling her heart sink.

“It’s Finn. He was knocking on the door like all night and yelling. I’m surprised you didn’t wake up.” Raven added. 

“Finn? How does he even know that I’m here?” Clarke was shaken up. Why would Finn want to talk to Clarke? 

“I had to threatened to call the police before he left, and I was this close to calling Bell to kick his ass.” Octavia made a small gap with her fingers. 

Clarke put her face in her hands. She had blocked his number and all of his social media. Truly, she wanted to cut him out of her life immediately, but he was not making this easy. Clarke did not feel bad for Finn. If she was being honest, she was still angry at him for what he said yesterday. Pain built up in her chest from her friends having to be involved in this nonsense. 

“Did you guys get any sleep?” Clarke questioned. They both shook their heads. 

“You didn’t stay with Anya last night?” Clarke asked Raven realizing that she was here. 

“Well, I was. But then Octavia called about Finn. And we finally got him to leave. What happened when you talked to him yesterday?” Raven replied. Her face was drooping down tiredly. 

“I’m so sorry, guys. I just told him I moved out and called him out for cheating and not really being there.” Clarke sighed. “I’ll go talk to him again so this doesn’t happen again.”

“No!” both women nearly shouted. 

“You don’t have to talk to him for us. It’s better to break off contact anyway.” Raven explained. 

Clarke nodded. She just felt bad for friends. Octavia handed her a plate with bacon and eggs, as they all ate breakfast together. 

Her phone vibrated. It was a text from an unknown number. 

Hey it’s Lexa. Coffee today? You know to start working on our project 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile. Almost forgotten in her mind was last night when she gave Lexa her number and they promised each other they would begin working on the project. 

She replied: Yes   
…  
At the café, Clarke sat waiting for Lexa. Sipping on a latte, she began to scroll through her emails. Lexa rolled through the doors smoothly. Again, she was wearing all black, which complemented her tan skin. Dropping her bags at Clarke’s table and smiling, she went to order coffee. 

“How are you feeling after last night?” Lexa chuckled at Clarke. 

“Not bad anymore, but I was this morning. I don’t drink that often.” The blonde admitted with a soft smile. Lexa began writing down something on her notebook.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked confused. 

“Taking notes.” She grinned. Clarke playfully rolled her eyes.   
“What did you order?” Lexa pointed towards Clarke’s coffee cup. 

“Vanilla latte.” 

“Hmm.. interesting,” Lexa rang continuing to take notes. 

“How is that interesting? What can that possibly tell you about me?” Clarke was laughing at how ridiculous she was being. 

“Well, multiple things. For one, it’s a pretty basic coffee order, so I’m presuming it means you want a basic life. Get a steady job, buy a house, get married, have children. The whole shebang. You could also claim that you like to soften the bitterness of life. You may very well be a people pleaser, Griffin. You will go out of the way to help others, but when it’s time to help yourself, nope.” Lexa rattled off. 

The blonde’s eyebrows furrowed. “You got all of that from a coffee order?” 

“Well is it true?” Lexa quirked up clearly pleased with herself. 

“Maybe.” Clarke replied with slight annoyance and slight laughter. “Okay then, Woods. What are you drinking?” 

“Just black coffee.” 

Clarke began taking notes. “Black coffee, huh? So you take life how it is. You enjoy keeping things simple. And you are resistant to change, clearly. Strong willed. Probably moody, too.” Clarke threw in the moody part because of what Raven told her about Lexa getting into a fight. 

Lexa’s face was a stone. “Not bad, Clarke.” 

“Well, was I right?” 

Instead of answering, Lexa said, “Let’s start with something simpler. Have you taken the big five personality test?” 

They both decided to quickly take the same test online to know their Big Five personality traits: Extroversion, Agreeableness, Openness, Consciousness, and Neuroticism. 

“Guess mine!” Lexa told Clarke excitedly. 

She pondered for a moment. “High extroversion? High agreeableness? Low conscientiousness? High openness? Low neuroticism?” 

Lexa burst out laughing. “You literally got every single one wrong!” 

“What? You’re not an extrovert?” Clarke was surprised. Every time she interacted with Lexa she seemed engaged and someone who was very socially. That was not exactly what extroversion meant, Clarke realized. She had also mostly only seen her drinking. 

Lexa shook her head. “Your turn. You totally are high on everything but neuroticism.” Clarke was so confused on how Lexa had gotten that correct. Was she really that easy to read? 

“I’m right.” Lexa was laughing again as Clark blushed. 

“How are you so good at this? Why are you taking personality psychology anyway as a business major?” Clarke questioned. 

“I have some practice. Business is all about people.” She answered smoothly. Clarke had never really thought about it. In fact, she found everything about business boring and confusing. 

“Are your parents interested in business?” Clarke asked her thinking about her connection to medicine from her own parents. 

“No,” Lexa did not look at her. 

“What’s your relationship like with your parents?” Clarke questioned further. Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed downward. She looked like she was going to be mad, but instead she just laughed. 

“If you’re going to start asking me these deep questions, we should at least drink first.” Lexa stated. Clarke was unsure how to respond. There was something about her relationship with her parents that clearly made the girl uncomfortable. 

“Fine, then. Let’s do it tonight.” Clarke did not even know what she was saying before it slipped out of her mouth. 

Lexa stared into Clarke’s blue eyes for a moment. Clarke wondered if she saw something in her eyes like she had seen in Lexa’s.   
“Fine. We can continue this conversation at my place tonight at 7.” Lexa had a small smile on her face when she left. 

Clarke looked down on her notes about Lexa. They were mostly wrong. Annoyed at how wrong she had been, yet excited about getting to know the women, Clarke tore up her notes and recycled them on the way out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for reading :)

Hours had passed since Clarke finally admitted to herself that she had a crush on Lexa. Was she crushing too fast after Finn? Clarke did not really know anything besides the fact that she felt an undeniable connection to Lexa. She first noticed it when she was looking at the painting in Lexa’s apartment. Alcohol could have been controlling her emotions, but she felt an intense magnetic connection to the women. Maybe it was her interest in art or the way she was talking about it passionately. Or possibly it was because they really were supposed to be there together. 

Fate. Clarke had never believed in it before. She thought that if you worked hard enough, you could achieve anything that you wanted. That is exactly what she was doing with Finn and with school. But maybe love was not supposed to feel that hard, to feel that draining. Lexa made her feel lighter. Her energy was always mixing with Lexa’s, like wet paint mixing to a whole color more beautiful than the individuals. 

What scared Clarke was that she had never been with a woman before. She’d never even kissed one before. She had always been aware that she was attracted to women before and had wanted to kiss them, but she had been with Finn for so long. 

Suddenly, Octavia entered the apartment. “What are you thinking about?” she asked not even looking up from her phone. 

“How did you know I was thinking?” she chuckled. 

“You always are thinking when you lay on the floor like that.” Octavia pointed out. 

Clarke sat up. “I think I have a crush on Lexa.”

“Lexa?” Octavia asked confused. “She doesn’t really seem like your type.” 

“I don’t have a type for women. I’ve never even been with one.” She laughed at her friend. 

“I know, but she doesn’t seem like the person I would picture you being with if you did date women. I mean, of course, that doesn’t mean anything. Aren’t you working on a project together? What are you going to do?” Octavia eyes widened knowing how serious her best friend was about school. 

“I don’t know. We got coffee today, and I’m going to her place later tonight for drinks.” Clarke said nervously. 

“Drinks? Do you think she likes you?” 

“O, I don’t even know if she likes girls. I know nothing about her, besides the way she makes me feel.” Clarke sighed sinking deeper into thought. 

“She is definitely gay, Clarke. Have you seen her?” Octavia was laughing. 

“Awh, Griffin. You are crushing hard on her.” Octavia was cheesing noticing how red Clarke’s cheeks became. 

A pillow flew across the room smacking Octavia in the face lightly. 

...…  
Later that night, Clarke went to Lexa’s apartment. Lexa lived with Anya, and she wondered if Anya would be there on a Saturday night or if her and Raven were hanging out. The two were proving to be inseparable already. 

“Hey, Clarke.” Smiling behind the door was Lexa. She stepped aside to let Clarke in.

“Hi,” she replied. “I’m not sure what you like to drink, but I brought this wine.” In her hand was a bottle of white wine. 

“Tell me what it says about me,” Clarke joked at Lexa laughing at herself. Lexa playfully rolled her eyes. 

“Knowing what I know about you, this is probably the opposite of what you drink. In fact, this is probably your least favorite drink!” the blonde continued. Lexa was laughing and Clarke had never felt so good about making someone else smile. 

Lexa went to the fridge and pulled out an identical bottle. “It’s actually my favorite wine.” 

They each poured themselves a glass and sat next to each other on the couch. When Clark was thinking on the floor earlier, she decided not to ask Lexa again about her relationship with her parents. She did not want to make her uncomfortable, and she had sensed that it had before. Also, Clarke was unsure if she wanted to talk about Jake with Lexa yet. It would be unfair to expect her to talk about it when she did not want to. 

“Okay, so for the project. I have an idea. We each get to ask twenty-one questions. You can pass as many as you want, but for every pass you take, I get a pass. What do you think?” Lexa proposed smoothly. 

“Why twenty-one?” Clarke asked her. 

“Because that’s how old we are!” She smiled. 

“Okay, I like it.” The blonde agreed. “You start.” 

Lexa looked pleased. “I can’t waste any questions. Let me think.” After a moment paused, she asked, “If you could do anything without worrying about money or what other people thought, what would you spend your life doing?” 

Clarke frowned because she was not expecting such a hard question. Silence filled the room for a few moments. “I would probably do art.” She was not even expecting the answer from herself. Words slipped out of tongue before she could take them back. 

Lexa’s smile widened. “Then why are you not doing that?” 

“I-“ Clarke began. “Is that your second question?” 

“No!” she replied quickly. Calmer she continued. “Just something to think about.” 

Clarke’s lips turned upward. Something to think about? As if she didn’t have enough to think about already thanks to Lexa. Was she scooting closer to Clarke? There was nothing that Clarke wanted more badly than just to scoot closer to the women next to her. 

“My question is why are you in business?” Clarke’s expression changed to serious. 

Lexa nibbled at her bottom lip. “It’s very versatile. There are lots of opportunities, and I guess I am competitive and like winning. Business just motivates me to accomplish more.”

“Oh, you like winning. Maybe we shouldn’t be hanging out because I always win.” Clarke bragged. The wine was definitely getting to her brain. 

Lexa’s head turned and her expression changed. “Well, Griffin. Maybe that’s because you haven’t ever been playing against me.” 

Their eyes met again while goofy smiles hung on their faces. “I’ll prove it. Let’s play a game right now!” Lexa got off the couch and walked towards a closet door.

“Now?” her tone was surprised. “We are in the middle of a project.” 

“This is all for educational purposes, of course.” Lexa replied and Clarke could not resist. 

When Lexa sat down back next to Clarke, their legs were brushing against each other’s. She had a deck in her hands. 

“Name any game. I’ll still win.” She grinned. Clarke shook her head and rolled her eyes. Lexa’s face was so close to hers. Their eyes kept locking for a moment too long before they both looked away blushing. 

They began playing a game that they were both familiar with called Egyptian Ratscrew. Lexa won the first round and Clarke won the second.   
“Just one more. Then we will see who is right.” Lexa told her cockily. 

Lexa had won the final match, barely. “See I told you, Clarke. I always win.” 

“Whatever, Lex. It was all luck anyway.” Did she just call her Lex? Her face turned red when she realized she had. “We’ll have to play again some other time, so you don’t get too cocky.” 

“What made you so competitive?” Clarke asked her when they filled their glasses again and put the cards away. 

“I don’t know. I guess sports. I always played them growing up and still enjoy them now.” Lexa said sheepishly. 

“Oh, what sports?” Clarke continued. 

“Mostly soccer and lacrosse.” She stated simply. “That’s three for you.” 

“What? That one doesn’t count! It was just a follow-up question.” Clarke feigned annoyance. 

“Fine, I will let it slide, but no more follow-up questions allowed.” Lexa pointed at her. Clarke grabbed her finger and put in down, leaving the touch lingering for too long. 

“Wow, Lexa you are such a strict rule maker.” Clarke flirted with a sultry voice. 

“I’m good at making rules. Kinda bad at following them.” Lexa replied while her eyes drifted slowly down to Clarke’s lips. 

Clarke’s eyes kept shooting between Lexa’s green lake eyes and her lips. Her heart was beating so fast that she was sure Lexa could hear it. Clarke’s hand was still holding Lexa’s finger. Lexa slowly slid her hand on top of Clarke's. Never breaking eye contact, Lexa slowly leaned in to kiss Clarke. 

But before their lips could touch, the door swung open. “Are you too coming!?” Raven bolted inside followed by Anya and Octavia. 

Both women tore away from each other with their faces on fire.

“What the fuck, did you two finish all this wine? Without us!” Anya slurred noticing the empty bottles on the counter.

Their eyes locked again, and they began to chuckle. 

Not looking away from Lexa, Clarke called, “We’ll be right there!” 

Before she got up, she whispered to Lexa, "Maybe we don't always win."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally :)

Clarke, Lexa, Octavia, Raven, and Anya went out to a few bars that night. The group met up with Monty, Jasper and a few other friends. Everyone was laughing, smiling and dancing. 

Clarke noticed that Octavia seemed a bit off. Her smile faded quicker than everyone else’s, as if it was forced. When Clarke got a chance to speak to her alone, she asked her if she was okay. 

“It’s Lincoln.” Octavia pursed her lips. “He didn’t come today.” 

Clarke felt guilty that she had forgotten that Lincoln was supposed to visit Octavia today.   
“Why?" she questioned. 

“He didn’t say much,” Octavia frowned. “But something is definenlty wrong.”

Clarke attempted to make her best friend feel better and even made her laugh. When they rejoined their friends, Clarke noticed that Lexa was missing. 

“Where’s Lexa?” Clarke asked Anya. 

“She went home.” She answered. 

Clarke was disappointed that Lexa had left, but she didn’t say anything. Her body and mind desperately needed to have some fun, to simply let go. She danced the night away. 

...  
Monday rolled around quicker than anyone would have liked. Lexa didn’t show up for class. By the time Wednesday came, Lexa was not in that class either. Clarke worried and she decided to text her brunette friend. After all, they were partners for a project in this class, so it would not be weird. Right? 

I noticed you skipped class again. Everything okay? Clarke typed out.

A few moments later, her phone lit up:   
Yeah thanks! When are you free? 

Butterflied rushed through her stomach and a smile spread across her face.   
Tomorrow after 3? She replied. 

Perfect I have a surprise for you 😊 Lexa texted.

What is it? Clarke asked eagerly. 

If I told you that wouldn’t make it a surprise, now would it? I’ll pick you up at 4. Lexa answered.

When Clarke got home, her smile did not fade. Undeniably, she was in a great mood. And It was because of Lexa Woods. Clarke wanted to kiss Lexa so badly, there lips had been so close, practically brushing against each other’s. At first, she thought that Lexa might have been ignoring her, but all her fears had faded. 

Raven, Anya, and Octavia were all watching a movie together when Clarke entered. 

“Do any of you ever study?” she laughed at her friends. 

“Do you ever do anything besides study?” Raven retorted to her friend. 

Clarke took a seat next to Octavia. It was dark outside and most of the lights were turned off in the apartment, so she didn’t notice at first. At a second glance, she realized that her friend had been crying. Clarke was unsure if Raven or Anya knew, and she did not want to embarrass her friend. Clarke scooted closer to Octavia and put her head on her shoulder. 

Anya's phone rang. Stepping in the other room, she answered in a hush voice.   
"Calm down, Lexa. I'll be right there." Clarke heard her saying. 

"Hey, I gotta run. I'll see you all later." Anya waved, kissing Raven goodbye. No one seemed to blink, but Clarke was worried about Lexa. She felt panicked and wanted to text her. She decided against it. 

When Raven left, Clarke followed Octavia to her room. Curled up in bed, she was practically asleep when Clarke jumped on her.   
“What’s wrong?” she asked her.

Octavia was no longer crying, but her face was still red and sad. “Lincoln has to move for his job. Some rich asshole gave him and his team no other choice.”

“What, where?” Clarke felt her heart drop. 

“California,” she answered sadly. “The guy wants to expand his business and bought out the company Lincoln works for.” He worked for a mechanical engineering company. 

“I’m so sorry, O.” Clarke said snuggling closer to her best friend. 

“On the bright side, I know you’ve always wanted to go to California. Now you have the perfect excuse.” Clarke tried to cheer her up sheepishly. 

...  
The next day, Clarke could not stop thinking about Lexa. She hadn’t seen her in four days and it was too much. What possibly could she have planned for Clarke?   
The blonde was nervous and excited when the clock hit 4. Lexa was waiting for her outside in a silver Toyota. A dark green hoodie hung over her jeans, making her eyes sparkle. Clarke jumped in the car with Lexa.

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked her curiously. She inhaled Lexa’s presence, smelling a mix of vanilla and lavender. 

“You really are bad with surprises.” Lexa chuckled. “How have you been?” 

“Good. But where have you been?” Clarke looked at her. 

Lexa shrugged, keeping her eyes on the road. “Just taking a few days to myself.” 

Clarke wondered what that meant. They drove on the outskirts of the town, a solid 20 minutes had gone by already.   
“How much longer?” Clarke bounced in her seat. 

“We are almost there,” Lexa smiled. 

Passing pine trees, they drove on a road into the entrance of a park. Lake water surrounded them trees towering over the women. Lexa parked and jumped out of the car. She opened her trunk and pulled out canvases and painting supplies. 

“We’re painting!” Lexa exclaimed excitedly.

Clarke was beaming. “Oh my gosh, Lexa! This is so sweet.” 

“Let’s go,” Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and pulled her toward a trail. They walked to a small patch of grass that overlooked the view.

“This is perfect, Lexa.” Clarke told the brunette. “Thank you.” 

They began painting the view in front of them. The lake was as green as Lexa’s eyes. Clarke tried to make the perfect shade of green, but she was unable to get one so beautiful on paper. Her smile never dropped. 

“Wow, you are really good, Clarke.” Lexa stared at her painting and then at her. “I thought you would be. I wanted to see for myself though.” 

“Why did you think that?” Clarke asked her.

“I had no idea until you pointed out that painting I have. You gave words to exactly how I felt about it, something I have never been able to do.” Lexa told her quietly. 

Clarke was silent for a moment, engulfed in the softness radiating off Lexa. “The picture is beautiful.” 

“Yes. It was- well…” Lexa began explaining but was struggling. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Clarke said locking eyes with hers. She put her hand on top of Lexa’s, who clung onto it. 

“No, I want to.” Lexa smiled softly. “It was painted by someone who passed away and that I loved. That’s why it has so much meaning to me.” 

Clarke did not say anything. Her heart dropped for Lexa and she wished she could take away every ounce of pain that Lexa had felt in her life. 

“Her name was Costia. We dated for many years, until she died in a car crash. Almost two years ago,” Lexa continued. 

“Lexa, I’m so sorry.” Clarke whispered squeezing her hand tightly. 

“Don’t be. I- I know you have lost someone close to you, too.” Clarke frowned. Did someone tell her that? “There’s something about you that I can just tell that you have felt it too. The look in your eye. The way you carry yourself.” 

Clarke did not say anything.   
“Am I wrong?” Lexa asked knowing the answer. 

“No,” Clarke’s eyes were so deep inside of Lexa’s it was if their beings were intertwining. “My dad.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to talk about it, either.” 

“It’s okay. It’s been difficult without him. Thanks for telling me about the painting and about Costia.” Clarke told her. 

“Is there anything that I can do to help you?” Clarke asked Lexa remembering how she felt two years after her dad passed away- still not good. 

“You already are helping Clarke,” Lexa squeezed her hand. 

With that, Lexa leaned forward to kiss Clarke. Their lips touched softly and slowly before they were invited to a more passionate kiss. Clarke wrapped her hand around Lexa’s body pushing her towards her, like she could never be close enough, even though they were touching. Their tongues battled for dominance as Lexa slid her hand behind Clarke’s neck. 

They both gasped for air looking at each other smiling. Clarke looked at her painting of nature and decided for once, that she wouldn’t tear it up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)

The following days, Clarke was happier than she had ever remembered. It was like her brain remembered how to feel good. Before, she dreaded waking up and going to class. Now, Clarke jumped out of bed and sang in the morning. She took the time to make herself breakfast and talk to her friends more. Clarke had almost forgotten how it was the little things that mattered in life. One small positive change led to a ripple effect of improvement in her life. 

And there was Lexa. Clarke adored Lexa and spent so much of her day thinking about the brunette. The feelings that Clarke felt for Lexa were so intense and strong, she questioned if she ever felt anything real for anyone else. Surely not Finn. She thought she had loved him at the time, but she had never felt anything like this. Clarke was unable to think about anything but Lexa. If she spent too much time thinking about something else, the thought of Lexa proved to be magnetic, always crashing towards her. 

Clarke had seen Lexa only in class and to work on their project, which was coming along nicely. She discovered that her and Lexa seemed at times so polar opposite and contradictory, as if they were the sun and the moon. 

“You really think that all people have good inside of them?” Lexa had asked her that day at the café. Each women had already finished a cup of coffee as they sipped their second ones. 

“Of course! There is good in everyone; you just have to look for it. Isn’t it depressing to think that everyone is evil?” Clarke defended smiling slightly. 

“Look at the world though. There is so much bad.” Lexa countered with her eyes wide. 

“But there is so much good.” Clarke replied smoothly. She hadn’t had much practice at flirting, but her skills were getting better the more she hung out with Lexa.   
“Like you.” 

“I am far from good, Clarke.” Lexa replied with a twinge of sadness covered by a laugh. 

“Why not?” Clarke asked sensing the sadness in her voice. 

Lexa did not say anything. Instead, she picked at her the plastic of her empty coffee cup, not making eye contact with the blonde.   
“You’re like the sun Clarke.” Lexa said unexpectedly. “You go around and give light and life to everything. I have seen it. Even when you are down, you still are able to radiate energy. It’s….amazing.” 

Clarke blushed. Before she could say anything, Lexa continued. “But me? I am like a black hole. All I do is suck the light out of people.” 

Her head hung over the table. Clarke was flabbergasted. How could Lexa think that about herself? She was the most amazing person in the world. 

“Lexa, no. You are nothing like a black hole. You are the most beautiful and genuine person that I have ever met.” Clarke said soulfully. 

Lexa sighed. “Besides,” Clarke smirked. “If I’m the sun then maybe I have enough light for the both of us.” 

Lexa laughed. 

Maybe she did.   
…  
On Friday night, Clarke ended up at Lexa’s apartment. Clarke decided to let Lexa pick what to watch. Surprisingly, Lexa picked a documentary about whales. 

“You are secretly a huge dork.” Clarke laughed at Lexa. The image that Lexa portrayed was definenlty not someone to care about documentaries, let alone about whales. 

“Can you maybe not add this to the project.” Lexa laughed and blushed. Clarke noted how Lexa’s body sometimes did two contradicting things. Everything always covered by laughter and smiles. But Clarke could see the hidden frowns, the times that she bit the bottom of her lip slightly, the brief darkness in her eyes. How was she so good at covering it up?

Clarke decided to let it go for now and have a good night with Lexa. 

“Definitely not. The title will be Lexa Woods: Documentary Dork.” Clarke giggled followed by Lexa. She playfully pushed her body down wresting the women beneath her.

“I could beat you up, you know.” Lexa smirked jokingly. 

“No way, Woods. I could take you. Besides, you would never hurt me.” Clarke said confidently. 

“You’re right about how I would never hurt you. Not on purpose I mean,” Lexa let Clarke up. 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand. Their lips pressed against each other’s. Clarke loved how soft and gentle Lexa kissed her, how her tongue slipped inside of her mouth.   
Lexa pulled back, looking at Clarke seriously. Her face was filled with raw emotion, stripped away from the person that she wants to be, only left with herself. “I really like you, Clarke.” Soft words escaped from her lips. 

Clarke felt a big smile grow across her face. “I really like you too, Lex.” She said dumbly, engrossed in her words. She knew she would replay the words over and over again in her mind later. 

Lexa opened her mouth and looked her she wanted to say something more. Instead, she swallowed and looked away. 

She must have thought that Clarke wouldn’t notice, but Clarke always noticed. After all, Clarke was a natural artist and had an eye for detail. Clarke thought Lexa was the most beautiful art that the universe had ever created. 

...  
On Saturday night, everyone was going out to celebrate Octavia’s twenty-second birthday. Raven, Anya, Lexa, Monty, Jasper, Lincoln, and Bellamy all came over to their apartment. Octavia clung to Lincoln the whole night, as if she needed him to breathe. The couple had not seen each other in a while, and they knew it would be the last time they could for a while due to Lincoln moving to California in a few days. 

“Man, I heard about California,” Bellamy approached Lincoln pulling him into an embrace. “We will definenlty all miss having you around.” Bellamy and Lincoln used to play football and baseball together in high school and were good friends. 

“Where are you moving to?” Anya asked. 

“California.” Lincoln raised his cup. 

“Really? That’s where Lexa and I are from.” Anya said. “Where?” 

Everyone’s eyebrows shot up, especially Clarke's. “You’re from California?” she turned to Lexa quickly. Clarke was already feeling the alcohol. “Why did I not know that?”

Lexa smiled and shrugged. Clarke thought it was odd that she had never thought to ask where Lexa was from. In fact, Lexa never talked about the past at all. Of course, she had opened up about Costia, but they had not spoken about it since the day at the lake. 

“In San Francisco,” Lincoln replied engaged. 

“That’s where we are from, as well.” Anya laughed at the coincidence. “We’ll have to tell you all the place to go. Maybe we can even meet up during break!” 

Lincoln smiled brightly. “Yes! That would be amazing."

“And I can come visit!” Octavia said hugged onto his side. 

“I didn’t know you and two were sisters,” Jasper pointed at Lexa and Anya. 

Lexa and Anya exchanged glances. “Well, we’re not really…” Lexa trailed off. 

“But basically. Lexa’s lived with my family for a long time, so we’re basically sisters,” Anya smiled putting her arm around Lexa’s neck. Lexa playfully rolled her eyes and laughed. 

“Why?” It slipped out of Clarke’s mouth before she could stop herself. Everyone’s eyes pressed on Lexa. 

“It’s complicated,” Lexa shrugged it off quickly faking a smile. Anya twisted her face for a brief second before starting a game to change the subject. 

Raven glanced at Clarke. Both girls looked equally confused and curious. After all the things they have talked about, Clarke realized that maybe none of them were important. It made her question her relationship with Lexa. What were they doing anyway? 

The insecurity that Clarke felt was dangerous because of the intensity that she felt for Lexa. 

Later that night, the group was laughing and dancing. At some point, Lexa slid her hand into Clarkes. The women couldn’t help but smile at each other. Lexa was a touchy drunk. That was something that Clarke had learned quickly. They had never displayed this affection publicly though. It made Clarke’s heart turn into a dripping puddle. 

Bellamy must have noticed their touch because he frowned. 

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked Clarke who was deeply lost in thought. 

“Nothing,” Clarke reflected the fake smile that she learned from Lexa. Lexa squinted her eyes, recognizing what the blonde was doing. 

“You don’t have to pretend, Clarke.” She squeezed her hand. 

Clarke frowned looking at her. She felt her face softening at even the sight of Lexa. “I just feel like I don’t even know you.” Clarke quickly rambled unable to restrict what she said. 

“What?” Lexa asked shocked.

“I didn’t know the things about Anya. I had no idea and-“ 

“Clarke,” Lexa injected steadily, “I just, I don’t know how sometimes.” 

Clarke didn’t say anything, she just stared at the women, somehow understanding exactly what she meant. She thought back to Jake’s death and it all made sense. 

“Can we please talk about this later?” Lexa asked her with a slight pleading tone. 

“Of course,” Clarke replied softly, almost throwing an apology in. But she knew that she didn’t have to apologize when she was with Lexa. 

“Thanks,” Lexa said so low that Clarke almost didn’t hear it. She pulled her hands around Clarke’s waste. Their bodies collided almost as hard as their souls did.


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke was not expecting the night to end how it did. She saw a side of Lexa that she would have never expected, yet somehow it made her understand the women more. 

Lexa must have just never stopped drinking. Clarke had been so caught up in the beauty of Lexa and making sure Octavia was having a good birthday, that she did not notice. Anya and Raven disappeared multiple times in the night because Anya didn’t think that Lexa would do anything with Clarke around. But she was proven to be wrong. 

Clarke was with Octavia, Bellamy, and Lincoln around a table. The buzz began fading for Clarke, but Octavia was still drinking. Clarke thought she definitely was going to die tonight, but who was she to stop her on her birthday? Lincoln seemed to be almost on the same level as her, slurring his words with faded eyelids. He was going on about the man who was making him move. 

“Some big-shot who owns a bunch of companies. Rich fuck…” Lincoln explained. 

“How have things been for you?” Bellamy asked Clarke. “You know, after Finn and all.” 

“They’re really good. Better than ever actually. I feel so much more whole without Finn.” Clarke smiled and meant what she said. He had felt like a weight that her body and mind carried around. Without him, she felt lighter. 

“So you and Lexa…?” He asked spinning his glass. 

“What about me and Lexa?” Clarke felt her heart beating faster just at the sound of Lexa’s name. 

“Are you together?” He shot with his eyebrows pointed downward. 

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. She truly wanted to be and felt intense feelings for the women. 

Before she could explain that to her friend, he said, “Well, you should know. You deserve someone that would tell you.” Clarke detected something- was it jealousy? Anger? 

“You deserve the world, Clarke.” He told her looking at her in the eyes. 

“Bell, I…” Clarke was about to tell him off. She knew what he was doing. He had always known that Clarke had a crush on her when they were in high school. But the crush was just a girly childish crush, nothing more. He had to have known that. What he was saying now confused Clarke. What was he thinking? After all this time, he can’t randomly decide to make a move on her. Not now. Not when she had been feeling so happy. Besides, who did he think that he was anyway? 

But before Clarke could explain, there was a loud crash. Everyone turned to look at the commotion. People went silent. A large women with a high blond pony tail was shouting. 

“Fuck you!” The women had said. A chair had fallen over along with a table. 

Clarke spotted her. It was Lexa. Her heart dropped out of her body and through the floor. Blood had been dripping down from her nose, staining her clothes. Anya had pulled Lexa by the collar angrily, rushing her out. Raven was following along closely.

Clarke ran outside towards Lexa. 

“Lexa, are you okay?” Clarke raced, breathing heavily. Raven was standing by the door looking wide eyed at Clarke. She then turned back to Anya and Lexa who were not even paying attention to the other women.

“You are so fucking selfish, Lexa!” Anya was shouting at her. Lexa was pacing in front of her. Her brunette braid was tattered up and messy. Her black jacket was hanging off her shoulders. Anger was fuming in her nostrils. It looked like she was saying something to herself internally as she paced, as if she was reassuring herself, her head bopping. Lexa did not stop to look at Anya or seem to care what she had just said. 

Anya took a step forward to cut Lexa off. “You think I like doing this?” Anya asked harshly. Clarke and Raven had never seen Anya so angry. 

“Move.” Lexa answered so coldly and flatly. Anya’s eyes darkened. 

“You think I want to spend my nights taking care of you?” the other women screamed. 

“I never asked you to do any of this,” Lexa’s voice was rising. 

Clarke stood there like a deer in the headlights. 

“What am I supposed to do? Watch you spiral? Why can’t you pull your shit together one night? One night, Lexa?” Anya was pleading and yelling, her voice was angry salted with sadness and guilt. Maybe even disappointment. 

“Fuck off,” Lexa said rolling her eyes. “Why don’t you go back inside and have a normal night.”

“No, we are going home.” Anya commanded. 

“No,” Lexa shouted, surprising Anya. “I am going home.” She turned around and started walking down the street. No, not walking but tumbling. She looked as if she would fall over and sleep there facedown for the rest of the night. 

“No way you can make it home by yourself. You’re not even going the right way.” Anya ran towards Lexa pulling her arm back so she would face her.   
Lexa’s face angry, sad, and empty. It made Clarke want to cry. Lexa pulled her arm away from Anya aggressively and continued walking. Anya groaned and threw her head back. She stopped walking and just watched the women walk away for a moment. 

Clarke ran towards Lexa. Her mind could not process what her body was doing before it was already happening. “Lexa!” She pleaded for her to stop. 

“Clarke?” Lexa stopped walking and looked at the blonde. Lexa’s faced looked bad. The left eye looked like it was already starting to bruise. Her nose was still bleeding, and dried blood hung on her clothing. 

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked confused. Her face looked worried and embarrassed. Lexa hadn’t known that Clarke just witnessed everything. The way that Clarke was looking at her gave it away in an instant. Embarrassment crept across her face. She gulped starting to say something but stopped. 

Clarke swallowed, hoping that Lexa would come with her. “Let me walk you home.” She managed to say. Lexa’s eyes burned in hers. Her face looked like she wanted to cry, yet her eyes were dry. 

“I, I, um,” Lexa started stuttering trying to explain what happened. Words didn't seem to form. 

“Shhh. Everything’s okay, Lex.” Clarke soothed her grabbing her hand. She pulled the women back towards Anya and Raven, who were now huddled together.   
Lexa easily and willingly followed the blonde. As they approached Anya, Lexa did not lift her head. Clarke was surprised how little emotion both Anya and Lexa expressed. 

“I’ll take her home,” Clarke told Anya quietly. If she was being honest, Anya intimidated her. Anya’s facial expression changed to relief. 

“Thank you,” Anya sighed nodding to Clarke. Raven took her hand. 

The two women began walking towards Lexa’s apartment holding hands. It was chilly outside, but Lexa and Clarke were pulled tightly together. Clarke helped her walk straight and stabilize her. Lexa didn’t say much on the way back. 

“That’s quite the bruise you’ve got there.” Clarke told her lightly once they got in the light. “Let me clean you up.” 

Lexa sat down in the kitchen. Clarke got a towel wet and wiped off the blood on Lexa. Lexa closed her mouth to say something but closed it again not looking at Clarke. 

“Does it hurt?” Clarke asked softly touching her face. 

Lexa looked at Clarke. Her green eyes now looked glossy and sad. She nodded and gulped. “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down her face as she shut her eyelids tightly. Clarke pulled her in an embrace, tugging the girl as close as she could do her. 

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m just happy you’re safe.” Clarke looked down at her, wiping away the tears in her eyes. Lexa did not flinch or move at the touch. 

“I don’t even know where to start,” Lexa mumbled. 

“You don’t have to explain anything, Lex.” Clarke told her seriously. 

“I want to tell you everything.” Lexa replied. Clarke could help but smile. Before Lexa could say anything else, she ran to the bathroom. When Clarke heard a puking noise, she got up and followed the woman into the bathroom. 

She helped pull her hair back into a hair tie. She rubbed her back until she had finished throwing up. When Lexa sat back against the wall, Clarke noticed that she had been crying. 

“Here, drink this.” Clarke handed Lexa water. She listened and sipped on the cup. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand, which she accepted into her lap. 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke. I never wanted you to see me like this.” Lexa looked down. 

“This doesn’t change anything. I want to see all the parts of you.” Clarke said smoothly grabbing Lexa’s chin. Their eyes locked. “Do you hear me? I still think you’re the most beautiful person in the world.” 

Lexa laughed. “You couldn’t possibly think that now,” Lexa slurred. And she did have a point- she was a mess. Clarke brushed a piece of hair outside of Lexa’s face. 

“Even now, always. ” Clarke whispered smiling at the girl.

“I don’t deserve you, Clarke. You are too good.” Lexa said honestly. “I just can’t get my shit together lately. Anya is right, I am selfish.” 

“Lexa-“ Clarke began. 

“Clarke, no.” She cut off with a little force. “I am going to do better. I am going to be better for you. So I can be someone that's capable of giving you the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything.” 

“Oh Lexa,” Clarke’s heart turned to mush. The brunette women’s eyes closed softly. 

“I’m just gonna lay down,” Lexa whispered moving her body. 

Clarke couldn’t help but giggle at Lexa. She helped her to her side and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. She wasn’t sure if she was going to throw up again so she decided to just sit there for a while. 

The apartment door opened a few moments later. Anya peaked her head in the bathroom. She noticed Lexa lying on the ground and opened the door. 

“Hey,” She said to Clarke. “How long has she been passed out?” Her eyes looked sad. 

“Maybe 20 minutes,” she replied. 

“Well, I can get her to bed from here. Thanks again for walking her home and taking care of her.” Anya expressed.

“It’s really no problem,” Clarke said feeling pang at leaving the girl. 

“I know she can be a handful sometimes. I know that. But she is a genuinely good person. She probably won’t remember a lot tomorrow, which means she’ll be super weird around you. You should come over for brunch tomorrow. Trust me, it will ease the tension if you just see each other right away. Otherwise, she could end up avoiding you.” Anya explained. 

Clarke smiled a little but didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to make Lexa feel uncomfortable. 

“Plus, I make some mean pancakes.” Anya added. 

“Okay, I’m in,” Clarke laughed walking out the door. 

As Clarke walked home, she thought about the events of the night. Seeing Lexa so aggressive and angry should have scared her. She was so unemotional and harder than a stone, but when her eyes caught a glimpse of Clarke, it was like everything changed. It was almost Clarke caused a reaction in her making her emotional. Making her care. Care about herself. She realized that Lexa had meant what she said about wanting to be better for Clarke. 

Clarke could see that she was not perfect. But neither was she. Clarke did not want perfect. She wanted authenticity. After tonight, she yearned for Lexa more badly than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are the best for reading (:


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Clarke was tired when her alarm went off. She rolled out of bed groaning. When she got up, she felt her head pounding. Unsure if it was from the lack of the sleep or the hangover, she popped a few pills of Aspirin in her mouth. 

Surprised, she noticed Lincoln and Octavia awake sipping on coffee. 

“Hey, guys. How are you feeling?” Clarke asked Octavia. When she had gotten home that night, Lincoln and Octavia had both thrown up, too. Luckily, they made it to the bathroom in time, but Octavia had been in worse shape than Lincoln. 

“Horrible,” Octavia groaned.” I just need to sleep all day.” 

“I don’t know what you’re doing, but that’s what I’m doing,” Lincoln grumbled.

“Where are you headed off to this early?” Her friend asked her. 

“Lexa’s and Anya’s place. We’re eating brunch.” Clarke told them.

“A double date,” Lincoln noticed. 

“Yeah, I heard about Lexa last night. What happened?” Octavia questioned. 

“I’m not really sure,” Clarke replied. “She was really out of it, and her and Anya got in a pretty intense argument. I walked her home, and she ended up passing out.” Her hands were sweaty. 

Octavia’s face was unreadable. “You two seem to be hitting it off, don’t you think?” 

Clarke blushed. “Yes. I really like her.” 

“She seems a bit….unstable, Clarke.” Octavia warned her giving her a serious look. It was normal for Octavia to inject her opinion on Clarke’s life. She knew that her friend meant well and just wanted the best for her. 

“I am not too worried about it, O. Besides, I know what it’s like to feel that way.” Clarke explained. She was talking about Jake. 

Octavia gave her a smile that flickered with a flash of sadness. She missed Jake, as well. 

“You know, we could all do something fun later, so that I can get to know Lexa better. We all can. And maybe we could actually hang out without drinking. I don’t even want to smell alcohol ever again.” Octavia said. 

Clarke laughed, knowing all too well that she would be drinking again next weekend. 

“Sure, good idea. I’ll see you two later!” 

...  
Clarke walked over to Lexa’s apartment. Lexa lived a few blocks away, but Clarke enjoyed walking. She worried about what Anya had said. Was Lexa going to be weird? What would she remember? It’s not like Lexa said anything too personal, but Clarke knew that Lexa exposed herself to her. Lexa Woods was not one to cry in front of other people. She was being vulnerable, and maybe that could push Lexa over the edge. Maybe she needed space? What would Clarke do? What was her plan? She felt her whole world untangling. She hadn’t had a plan in a while. Not since Finn. She had felt so in the moment and spontaneous with Lexa, as if she didn’t have to overthink everything. It felt real and true and amazing. That was all that Clarke knew for sure. 

She knocked on the door, which was opened by Anya. Hey eyelids were dark but she smiled. 

“Good morning, Clarke. How are you feeling?” She asked politely. 

“Not too bad,” Clarke half lied. She noticed Raven at the table, who waved at her friend. 

“So you came for breakfast? You better not try to steal my girlfriend after you realize how good of a cook she is!” Raven joked. The best thing about Raven was that she was always in a good mood, no matter what. 

"We’ll see after I taste these pancakes,” Clarke retorted smiling. 

“Lexa’s still sleeping,” Raven told Clarke as if she was reading her mind. Clarke nodded. 

“O mentioned doing something later today. Maybe not involving alcohol. Her and Lincoln aren’t feeling the best. Any ideas?” Clarke asked them.

“Ohhh! We could play laser tag!” Raven screeched shooting up excitedly. 

Anya laughed and shook her head. “Oh my god, can we please play so she will shut up about it already!” 

Clarke laughed at her friend. She had never heard her mention laser tag before. 

Lexa walked into the kitchen. Her eye was bruised and darker than it looked last night. Her braid was wild and messy, hanging off her shoulder. White spread across her face, but she kept walking. 

“Look who finally came out!” Raven smiled at Lexa. Lexa glared at her and kept her gaze on Clarke. 

“What are you doing here?” She said with her eyebrows furrowed. Clarke couldn’t tell if she was happy to see her or not. 

Before Clarke could answer her, Anya told her, “I invited her.” 

Lexa looked at Anya for a split second before looking away, her face flushing. Anya approached Lexa gently touching her face. Lexa didn’t look at her, nor did she move. Anya twisted Lexa’s face so that she could see her eye. 

“It’s worse than the last one.” Anya whispered. Lexa didn’t say anything or look at her. Anya went to the freezer and pulled out an ice pack. She tossed it to Lexa who caught it, finally looking at the older blonde. 

“We’ll talk later,” Anya said softly. Lexa nodded. 

“Finally, we can eat!” Raven exclaimed. Lexa sat at the table next to Clarke placing her ice pack on her eye. 

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked Lexa. 

Lexa looked at her with her green eyes. Clarke thought she saw embarrassment but was having trouble reading her. 

“Terrible,” Lexa replied slightly turning her lip upwards. 

“Oh my god, Clarke. If you think Lexa looks bad you should have seen the other girl last night. So badass.” Raven said. Lexa didn’t smile and neither did Anya. 

“I bet,” Clarke responded laughing at her friend. 

“You were like a ninja. Do you even remember last night?” Raven continued to Lexa. 

“Unfortunately,” Lexa nodded taking a sip of her coffee. 

“So what happened?” Clarke couldn’t help but ask her. Lexa shot her a look. Anya sat down at the table placing the food in the middle. She had cooked pancakes, bacon, and eggs. 

“She was being a prick. I just snapped.” Lexa responded looking at her plate. Anya chuckled slightly and Lexa glared at her. 

“What are you up to today?” Clarke asked Lexa when they had finished eating. 

“Not too much,” Lexa smiled. Clarke would admit that Lexa was being shy, but it was not too bad. 

“Do you want to do something with me later? It could be chill, since I’m sure you are exhausted. I am too.” Clarke continued. 

Lexa paused for a moment. “That would be great.” 

Clarke felt herself breathing again. They both smiled at each other. 

Lexa bit at the bottom of her lip. She asked, "Maybe we could talk, too?" 

...  
Lexa knew that she had to talk to Anya eventually, but she was actively avoided the conversation with her. She knew exactly what she was going to say. Even worse, she knew that Anya was right. Her body ached and she was too tired to hear the truth right now. Her eyes drifted and she found herself asleep again.   
When she awoke, her body was drenched in sweat. She was terrified. She had had a nightmare, but she couldn’t remember what it had been about. The only thing that she could remember was the feeling of grief and loss. The feelings in her dream felt real the moment she woke up. Her body welcomed the familiar feelings. Lexa needed Anya. 

She decided to talk to her. Anya was sitting cross legged on her bed. Lexa approached her slowly. 

“Hey, Lexa.” Anya said softly. 

“Hey,” Lexa said to her looking down. 

Anya sighed. “Did you have a nightmare?” she asked. Anya knew Lexa better than anyone else in the world. They shared a bond that was stronger than any biological sister they had known. 

Lexa bit the bottom of her lip and nodded. 

“Look, Anya. I’m sorry about last night. You’re right about everything.” Lexa sat down next to her. 

Anya looked at her seriously. “You are spiraling again. I can see it. Can’t you?” 

Lexa was unsure how to answer. She had felt happier than ever since she had met Clarke. At the same time, she felt worse because she thought she was not good enough for Clarke. Clarke deserved more. Could Lexa be more? 

When Lexa didn’t respond, Anya said. “It’s coming up soon. In a few days. What is your plan? How are you going to deal with it?” 

“I don’t know,” Lexa gulped. 

“Lexa, I love you, and I’m here for you. I just don’t know what you need.” Anya said sadly. 

“Clarke is helping a lot. I feel a lot better around her. I just don’t want to hurt her.” Lexa explained. 

“You are not your sadness, Lexa. You are so much more. You can be better and stronger than this. I know these next few days will be tough, but once you get through them, I know things will turn around for you.” Anya told her seriously. 

Lexa nodded and hoped that Anya was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everybody!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little smut and fluff. I think we have all been waiting long enough

Lexa went over to Clarke’s apartment. She wanted to tell Clarke so many things, to explain herself. She needed to tell her what had been going on. Lexa was terrified to lose Clarke. She hadn’t felt as intense or powerful feelings towards someone else since Costia. 

“How does it feel?” Clarke poked Lexa’s bruised eye gently. 

“I’m tougher than I look,” Lexa smirked. 

“You already look pretty tough, Woods.” The blonde flirted. 

The two women were laying in bed together. They were both exhausted from the night before and decided to just cuddle and watch a movie. Holding Clarke in her arms, Lexa felt safe. 

Lexa pressed her lips into Clarkes. She moved them gently and passionately. Her hand found Clarke’s neck and she pulled her tightly in. Clarke let out a small groan, and Lexa felt the butterflies in her stomach. She thought she might die then and there. 

Lexa pulled back looking at Clarke’s eyes. Her eyes reminded her of the clear blue sky. Sometimes her life felt like a series of storms, but the blue sky had always comforted her. She thought back to a memory with Anya. 

(MEMORY)  
Anya had been the only one that didn’t treat her like she was broken. All the adults tiptoed around every word that they said to Lexa. Lexa felt sadness, but the feeling was not new. She felt relieved and happy to be safe with Anya and her family. 

“Look, Lex. I caught one!” Anya shoved a frog in her face. The girls were exploring a nearby ponding catching frogs to keep as pets. Mud drenched their clothing.

“What are you going to name him?” Lexa asked.

“He looks like a Robby to me.” Anya said and Lexa laughed. 

“You have four and I only have two. I need to keep up!” Lexa fumed competitively when she realized. 

“Ha! Loser!” Anya joked at her friend. 

Lexa splashed water at her and chased her down. Both girls were laughing and screaming, splashing water and throwing mud chunks at each other. 

When they ran out of breathe and finally plopped down, Anya looked at Lexa and smiled. “I’m glad you’re living with us now. We can have so much fun together. Forever. Like sisters and best friends!” 

“Sisters,” Lexa repeated staring up at the clear blue sky feeling the happiest she had ever felt in her life. 

...  
Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand. She wasn’t sure where to even start with Clarke. The woman meant so much to her. 

“I’m sorry about last night.” Lexa told Clarke genuinely. She took a sharp inhale. “It’s a rough month for me. In a few days, it will be the day Costia died two years ago. I guess I am not handling it that well, and I don’t know.” 

Clarke squeezed her hand smiling at her. “Whatever you need, I’m here. Don’t push me away, Lex.” It was almost as if she was pleading, yet she was so confident. 

“I could never. You mean so much to me, Clarke. I need you.” Lexa was dripping into Clarke. 

“I need you, too. I’ve haven’t felt as happy as I do with you in a long time.” Clarke stated.

“Really?” Lexa asked her. 

“Yes, Lexa. You mean the world to me, too.” She kissed her hand and breathed in her presence. 

Clarke’s lips touched Lexa’s. Lexa wanted more. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to stop herself. Her tongue slid inside of Clarkes. Her lips crashed into hers. Clarke bit her lip, which surprised Lexa. She battled for dominance overtaking Clarke’s control. Lexa shifted Clarke’s body downward and hovered ontop of her.   
Clarke was moaning now. Lexa moved her lips down towards her neck and sucked and kissed. 

“Babe, let’s do it.” Clarke whispered to Lexa. Lexa couldn’t even nod. Her body was on fire and she felt her body already getting wet from Clarke’s touch. Clarke pulled Lexa’s waist towards her own. She slipped her shirt off of Lexa’s head and untangled her bra. 

Lexa was skinny and fit. Clarke moved her hand along her abs, almost drooling at them. 

Lexa smirk. “Like what you see?” 

“I love what I see.” Clarke said before she could stop herself. Before she could take the words back, Lexa’s lips were crashing down on hers again. Lexa pulled Clarke’s pants down. Clarke was grinding against her leg. Moaning even louder. 

Lexa’s hand crept up Clarke’s leg. She was slow and brushed it lightly to tease Clarke. But she was unable to wait any longer either. She slid two fingers inside smoothly. She felt a smirk on her face when she felt how wet the blonde was. 

“Oh my god,” Clarke said as Lexa moved her hand faster and faster. 

She licked Clarke’s stomach downward, leaving a trail of kisses. She reached the clit making Clarke go crazy. She flicked her tongue sideways, back and forth, in a circular motion. All while gaining intensity inside of Clarke. 

It didn’t take long for Clarke to climax. “Fuck, Lexa.” 

Lexa was breathless, almost orgasming herself just at the thought of Clarke. Her body was sweaty. Clarke rolled over ontop of Lexa. 

“Your turn,” she said after a while sliding her hand down Lexa’s sweaty body. 

Lexa was moaning, “Oh, Clarke.” 

Clarke started with two fingers sliding them back and forth as Lexa’s breathing got heavier and heavier. She slid a third in their too. Lexa sucked on Clarke’s neck to hold back her moans. 

Clarke took Lexa’s nipple in her mouth, her tongue playing with it. She wanted to taste every inch of Lexa Woods. Her lips trailed downward.   
She kissed Lexa inside and rubbed her clit in a circular motion. As the intensity lit up, Lexa was moaning. “Yes, god.” 

“Fuck, Clarke. Fuck.” She moaned as she orgasmed. Lexa hadn’t had that good of sex in a long time. 

Both women’s bodies sank into each other’s. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, who took her hand. 

“I like when you call me babe,” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear. 

“Well, I like everything we did today, babe.” Clarke whispered back drifting off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read :)

“Hello?” Clarke answered her phone in the middle of the night. She was so sleepy that she couldn’t read who had been calling. 

“Clarke,” a voice said. “Baby. There’s been an accident” 

It was her mother, Abby. Clarke was suddenly thrown into the past from her words. 

...  
(Memory)  
“Mom, what’s going on?” Clarke asked worried as her mother quickly approached her. Clarke had been waiting in the principal’s office at school. She was told that there was an emergency, but no one had said anything else. Twirling her thumbs, she had sat in a chair for what seemed like days. Possibilities scattered through her mind of what could have happened. But none had been as bad as the truth. 

“Clarke, baby. There’s been an accident.” Abby had sniffled. The moment that Clarke saw her mother’s face; she knew the truth. Her father was gone.   
The pain that Clarke felt in that moment was indescribable. She felt like a piece of her soul was gone. There were all the lost moments and all the lost dreams. She shook her head. No this couldn’t be happening. 

Clarke didn’t remember much from that day. It had been fogged out of her brain. Jake had died in a car accident on the way to work. He was hit by someone who was intoxicated from the night before, who also died. She remembered Octavia and Bellamy visiting her, and she had been a mess. They helped calm her down and sat with her for a while. But Clarke barely spoke to her mother that day. In fact, she barely spoke to her mother at all after that. The tension was too difficult, as if Jake had been thee only thing gluing them together. Now that he was gone, their bond was too. 

...  
Clarke felt her chest welt up and she was unable to breathe. Abby must have heard her breathing on the other line. 

“It’s Marcus.” Abby continued her voice shaking. 

“What, what happened?” Clarke barely made the words out. If the words ‘car accident’ came out of Abby’s mouth, she thought she would die. 

“He’s been shot,” Abby answered. “Please, Clarke. I need you.” 

“I’ll leave tomorrow,” Clarke replied hanging up the phone. 

Marcus was shot. Her mother had been dating Clarke’s high school principal for a while now. Although she did not spend much time with her mother, she did like Marcus. 

A hand touched her back. “What are you doing awake?” 

Clarke’s body was shaking now. “I have to go.” She sprang out of bed. 

“Go where?” Lexa asked her following her out of bed. She flipped the lights on, blocking the doorway from the blonde. “What’s going on?” 

Clarke knew what was going to happen before it happened. She knew the onset of it before it even happened. ‘No, not in front of Lexa’ her mind was screaming at her, but her body refused to listen. 

She couldn’t breathe anymore. Her heart felt like it was exploding. Her body was shaking so hard that she wasn’t sure if it was hers anymore. Her knees buckled and she found shelter against the wall. Being in open spaces during this time made Clarke feel so vulnerable, she always tried to find a corner. She curled herself in a call and tucked her head in her chest trying to focus on her breathing like she had done so many times before. 

“Clarke?” Lexa approached her confused, but the blonde didn’t look at her. 

Lexa understood what was happening. Clarke was having a panic attack. 

“Clarke, honey.” Lexa said softly coming closer. “Everything is okay. You are safe with me.” Clarke lifted her head unable to speak. Tears were rolling down her face as she continued to gasp for air. 

Lexa took Clarke and wrapped her arms around her body. Clarke sank into Lexa. Lexa took Clarke’s hands and began drawing patterns with her thumbs. “Try to focus on your breathing,” Lexa whispered into her ear. 

Clarke’s breathing got more stable. “Everything is okay.” Lexa said again. Clarke nodded still shaking. 

“Tell me what’s right here. Five things you see. Five things you feel. Five things you see.” Lexa instructed. 

Clarke nodded and began rattling off answered feeling her body calming. When she was finished, Clarke laid in Lexa’s arms for a while silently. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered still feeling on edge. 

“Don’t apologize. I’m here for you,” Lexa cooed squeezing her hand. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lexa asked her eventually. 

“Tomorrow,” Clarke said tiredly. “Can we go back to sleep?” 

Lexa moved her body to help Clarke back in bed. Clarke’s body collapsed into Lexa’s as she held her for the rest of the night. 

...  
When Clarke woke up, the bed was empty. She groaned at the thought of Lexa being gone and felt exhausted from the night before. She hadn’t had a panic attack since high school. What a mess. She remembered what her mother had told her, and Clarke’s heart sunk. She needed to be there for her. 

When Clarke walked out in the kitchen, Lexa was standing there.

“Hey, I made pancakes. Your favorite.” Lexa told her smiling pointing to the food in front of her. Clarke tried to smile, but she couldn’t. 

“Thank you, Lexa.” Her heart was melting. 

Lexa sat with Clarke eating breakfast silently. Lexa waiting for Clarke to talk patiently. Their eyes met, but Clarke looked away quickly. 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked after a while. 

“I’m sorry about last night. I’m embarrassed,” Clarke blurted shrinking back in her seat. Lexa just shook her head. Before she could say anything, Clarke continued. “It’s my mom. She, well, her boyfriend was shot. I need to go be with her.” 

“What?” Lexa’s eyes bulged.

“I don’t know. That’s all I know.” Clarke said. 

“What do you need me to do, Clarke?” Lexa asked her trying to help. 

“I-,” Clarke began but stopped while an idea popped in her head. “Come home with me.” 

Lexa didn’t respond at first. “Please?” Clarke pleaded with her. 

“Okay,” Lexa answered.   
…  
Lexa packed a few things and walked over to Clarke’s apartment with her. Clarke was ravaging through her things, while Lexa sat on her bed worried. Octavia came in the room with her eyebrows furrowed. 

“What’s going on in here?” Octavia asked confused. She glanced at Lexa who gave her a look. 

“I can’t find my fucking shirt,” Clarke didn’t even look at her. She was throwing things behind her in the closet. 

“What shirt?” Octavia asked calmly stepping forward. 

Clarke got up to face her. “The green one!” She yelled throwing her hands up. 

“I borrowed it last weekend, remember?” Octavia was staring at Clarke trying to decipher what was going on. 

“Damn it, Octavia!” Clarke stormed out of her own room. 

“Clarke, what is going on?” Octavia grabbed her arm turning her towards her. Clarke was trying to control her breathing. 

She was still fuming, “I’m going home.” 

“Why?” Octavia asked shocked. 

“It’s Marcus. He was shot.” Clarke felt herself calming down. 

“What?!” Octavia gasped. “Is he okay? What happened?” 

“I don’t know. But I need to leave. Now.” Clarke’s voice rose. 

“Jesus, Clarke. Just call Abby.” Octavia lashed back.

Clarke shrunk back. She hadn’t really thought of calling her mom again.   
“Look, I’m sure everything will be fine.” Octavia told her noticing her facial expressions change. Clarke nodded gulping. 

“Is Lexa going with you?” Her friend asked. 

“Yes,” Clarke responded. 

“You’re ready to introduce her to your mom?” She eyed her. Clarke also had not thought about that. 

“I just need her.” Clarke let out. 

Octavia nodded. “Can you just call your mom and tell me what she says?” 

Octavia embraced Clarke. Clarke felt her body warming and calming down her anger. Abby told her that Marcus had been coming home from a bar with some friends when he was robbed and shot. They had no idea who did it, but the police think it was random and are looking into it. He will live because he was only shot in the shoulder. There are no complications at the time, but they were not sure last night. Clarke said that she would be there soon. 

On the drive over, Lexa and Clarke sat in silence.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Clarke looked at Lexa in the passenger seat. 

“Of course, Clarke.” Lexa smiled slightly. 

“And I’m sorry about being crazy earlier. I was just stressed.” 

Lexa nodded, understanding the situation. 

“I guess you’re meeting my mom,” Clarke said sheepishly. 

“I can’t wait,” Lexa smiled at her. 

“We aren’t that close. We don’t really talk much. I haven’t told her about you yet, but I am sure she will love you. Not that it really matters. We haven’t had the best relationship since my dad died.” Clarke told her. 

“Why not?” Lexa asked.

Clarke shrugged. “I guess there’s a lot of things we never said to each other and a lot of pain. Mostly, trauma brings people together, but not for me and my mom.” 

Clarke rolled up to her driveway. Lexa was surprised at how big her house was. 

When they approached the door, it opened. Standing behind it was not Abby.

“Hi, princess.” He smiled at Clarke. 

Finn.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the feedback! you all rock

“Finn?” Clarke asked shocked stepping backward. “What are you doing here?” 

Finn smirked glancing over at Lexa. “You didn’t tell Abby we broke up?” 

His dark hair was curled back behind his ears. Clarke stumbled through her words, “I haven’t had the chance.” 

Lexa was confused, so she stayed behind Clarke watching the events unfold in front of her.   
“Where’s my mom?” Clarke asked him squinting her eyes. 

“At the hospital with Marcus.” He said. “She let me in. And she doesn’t know anything. I think that means you miss me,” Finn started stepping towards her. 

Clarke stepped back shaking her head. “No. I don’t miss you. I’m with someone else now.” Her eyes were looking down.

“Who?” He asked angrily. 

Clarke looked at him and took Lexa’s hand. “Lexa.” She boomed. “Now, get out of my house.” 

“You’re with her?” He asked in disbelief. Clarke never mentioned how she was attracted to women when they were dating. It was just something that she never felt like he would be able to understand. 

“Got a problem with that?” Lexa asked Finn daringly. 

“Yeah. I do. We have a lot to talk about, Clarke.” Finn said stepping towards Lexa. Lexa’s eyes didn’t glance away from Finn’s and Clarke recognized that look. She worried a fight may break out. 

“We have nothing to talk about. Leave.” Clarke spat. 

“Why’d you block my number? And you never answer your fucking door? Don’t you think I deserve an explanation?” Finn paced around shouting. 

“You deserve nothing.” Clarke retorted. 

Lexa stepped forward. “She said leave.” Lexa said hardly to Finn. 

“Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?” Finn got in her face. Lexa’s eyes darkened. She wanted to hit him so badly for the way he was speaking to Clarke. She couldn’t even believe that Clarke would date someone like him. 

“Lex, don’t.” Clarke told her sharply. It took all of Lexa’s might to control her body. She felt a magnetic pull on her fist to Finn’s face. But when she looked at Clarke, she knew she would have to be better. She would have to be able to control her urges. So she did. 

“Get out Finn!” Clarke said once more before he finally left, slamming the door shut behind him. 

The second that the door sealed shut, Clarke felt relieved. 

“You dated that guy?” Lexa asked with a hint of disappointment. 

“Yeah. For five years.” Clarke said pathetically. 

“Five years?!” Lexa was shocked. 

Clarke was silent for a moment. “He wasn’t always like that. Or maybe I wasn’t always like this.” 

Clarke stepped towards Lexa, but she took a step back. “Your mom still thinks you are dating him?” Lexa hesitated. 

Clarke could see the betrayal and confusion in her eyes. “Lex, I haven’t spoken to her since that happened. We don’t have a good relationship.” Clarke explained. 

“You keep saying that, but you were so quick to come here when she needed you. Maybe it’s not that bad after all.” Lexa noticed nibbling at the bottom of her lip. 

“It’s family, Lexa. It’s what you do.” Clarke stated. 

Lexa did not respond. She was unsure what that meant. Her perception of family was so warped. The only real family that she had was Anya’s family. They had been better to her than her own parents had been. Lexa understood that today wasn’t about her. It was about Clarke and her family, so she tried her best to be supportive.

“Should we go see your mom?” Lexa asked her gently. Clarke nodded and headed to the hospital. 

...  
Clarke recognized the hospital all too well. The smell was familiar. It reminded her of spending time their with her father. The lighting blinded Clarke and hit her into her memories when Jake was still alive. 

“Mom?” Clarke said approaching Abby. Her hair was tangled and the bags under her eyes were deep. 

“Clarke, oh my goodness.” She stood up embracing her daughter. 

“How is he?” Clarke asked. 

“Better, but not great. I appreciate you coming.” Abby replied. She noticed Lexa standing behind Clarke. She looked at Clarke confused. 

“Mom, this is Lexa.” She breathed out nervously. “We’re…together.” 

Abby stepped back in surprise. “What about Finn?” She breathed in disbelief. 

“We broke up a few months ago.” Clarke replied. 

“Oh,” Abby furrowed her eyebrows. “I didn’t know that. He didn’t say anything when I invited him over.” 

“Yeah,” Clarke winced. “I wish I would have told you sooner. I had to kick him out.” 

“Well, what happened?” Abby nosed in. 

“He was cheating on me.” Clarke said flatly. Lexa’s face dropped along with Abby’s. 

Abby gasped. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry, honey.” 

“It’s okay. Besides, I got to meet Lexa.” Clarke smiled pointing at the woman beside her. 

“Hello, Mrs. Griffin,” Lexa said to Abby. 

“Oh, please. Call me Abby.” She smiled at the brunette. 

“I didn’t know you liked women,” Abby stated slowly looking at Clarke confused. 

“Well, yeah.” Clarke shrugged sheepishly. “But I love this one.” She wrapped an arm around Lexa, who couldn’t help but smile. 

“Did he know?” Abby asked her.

“Who?” 

“Your father. Did he know that you liked women?” Abby asked. 

Clarke nodded. Abby looked stunned and let out a small gasp of air. Clarke wondered what she was thinking. 

“Well, I’m happy you’re both here.” Abby smiled at Lexa and her daughter. “I was hoping maybe we could talk, Clarke. Marcus is being released tonight and I’ll care for him at home. But maybe we could all have dinner later?” She looked hopeful at her daughter. 

“Sure, mom.” Clarke answered with a small smile. 

“Great,” Abby said embracing the girl again. “I’m glad you’re home.” 

...  
On the drive back to Clarke’s house, Clarke was confused. 

“Your mom seemed very nice, Clarke.” Lexa told her. 

Clarke nodded. “She is nice, but she seems different. I’m not sure what she wants to talk about later. I typically don’t talk much. It’s kind of a strange relationship where we just let each other be.” 

Lexa nodded understanding the blonde. “Maybe she wants to become closer?” Lexa suggested.

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Why though? And why now?” Clarke said aloud confused. 

They walked through the front door. “I don’t know.” Lexa replied.

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s arm so she was facing her. “Did you mean what you said?” Lexa whispered. 

“What?” Clarke asked confused. 

“To your mom. That you love me?” Lexa said slowly biting her lip. 

Clarke grinned. “Yes, Lexa. I love you.” She grabbed Lexa’s waist and pulled her close. 

“I love you, too.” Lexa barley managed to say before Clarke attacked her with kisses.


	13. Chapter 13

Clarke and Lexa laid happily in bed naked. They were cuddling together after having a little bit of fun. Clarke felt her body relax into the brunette.

“Maybe we should get our clothes on before your mom gets home,” Lexa said blushing. 

“We’ll be fine, Lex.” Clarke laughed. She began kissing the woman next to her. She slipped her tongue inside of Lexa’s and straddled ontop of her. Lexa groaned.   
Suddenly, they heard the garage door open. Clarke jolted from her bed. 

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Clarke quietly groaned. The two women scrambled for their clothing that had been thrown across the room. They finally got themselves in check. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s arm before she headed out the door. Lexa pulled her into a passionate kiss. 

“I love you,” she whispered again dying to hear the blonde say it back once more. 

“I love you.” Clarke sang. 

When they got downstairs, Marcus and Abby were sitting on the couch. Marcus was a tall man with big broad shoulders. His scruff was showing, but Clarke typically saw him shaved. 

“Hi, Marcus! How are you feeling?” Clarke asked him.

“Clarke!” He smiled. “I’m doing better. How is Arcadia going?”

“Oh, school is great!” Clarke told him knowing that’s what he would want to hear. Clarke noticed him looking curiously at the woman next to her. 

“This is my girlfriend, Lexa.” Clarke explained pointing to Lexa. 

“Girlfriend? Wow, Clarke. Good for you two.” He nodded his head in approval. 

“Lexa, do you like pizza?” Abby asked the brunette. 

“Of course,” Lexa replied. 

“Great! I was thinking we could order some tonight. Clarke’s favorite.” Abby smiled warmly.

“Pizza’s your favorite food?” Lexa asked curling her lips. 

“Pepperoni pizza,” Clarke corrected. 

“I feel like as your project partner, I need to know this information.” Lexa flirted. 

“Just as my project partner? What about my partner?” Clarke said with a sultry voice.

“Well, you did just introduce me as your girlfriend, Griffin.” Lexa smirked. 

“That’s because you are all mine,” Clarke said. 

“I’m all yours, Clarke.” Lexa affirmed. 

...  
Dinner was nice for the two women. Abby had ordered pepperoni and Hawiaan pizza for the four of them. 

“So, how did you two meet?” Abby asked Clarke and Lexa. They glanced at each other. 

“Lexa’s friend is dating Raven.” Clarke told them. 

“Raven has a girlfriend?” Marcus burst out laughing. He always did have a soft spot for the girl. Everyone in the room followed. 

“Yes, then we started working on a project together because we are in the same psychology class,” Lexa explained. 

“Oh, Clarke. I didn’t know you were in a psychology class!” Abby said looking at the blonde. 

Clarke forced a smile. “Yep.” She suddenly remembered how little her mother knew about her life. 

“Well, what’s your project about?” Marcus asked. 

“Each other’s personalities.” Lexa continued. 

“Oooooh! Have you learned anything interesting about Clarke?” Abby asked interested. 

“Oh, yeah. I’ve learned lots of interesting things about your daughter,” Lexa smirked. 

“It’s coming along nicely.” Clarke cut in glaring at Lexa, biting down her smile. “How’s the hospital, mom?” She changed the subject. 

Abby explained that she is doing well working at the hospital and that she even got a promotion. Her and Marcus seem happy. Marcus is still the principal at the high school and he began telling crazy stories about the students there now. Apparently, they are troublemakers. 

Abby’s phone rang in the middle of dinner and she excused herself to take the phone call. 

“That was the police,” Abby said when she returned. Everyone stopped talking and looked at her. 

“They found the person who did this to you, Marcus. His name is Aden. Aden Ground. He’s only sixteen, but apparently, it’s related to gang activity. They think it may have been apart of initiation.” Abby explained. 

“That’s horrible,” Clarke exclaimed. 

Lexa felt her blood freeze. Her face turned whiter than a ghost. 

“Would you excuse me for a second,” Lexa barley looked at Clarke. 

“Is everything okay?” Clarke asked confused. 

“Yes,” Lexa did her best feign smile and ran into the bathroom. She splashed water onto her face and looked at her green eyes in the mirror.  
“Keep it together,” Lexa whispered to herself as her breathing got heavier and heavier. 

Oh boy, did she need to call Anya. 

...  
After dinner, Abby sat down next to Clarke. 

She sighed. “Hey, Clarke,” Abby began.

Clarke looked up to her mother. 

“I-,” Abby began to say, but she stopped. Abby was just as unsure of how to start this conversation as Clarke was. “I have been thinking about our relationship.” 

“Okay,” Clarke said furrowing her eyebrows waiting for her mother to continue. 

“And I know we don’t have the best one. We never really did even when your father was alive. But I would like to try to have a better one. You are away all of the time now, and I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. I’m disappointed in myself for not knowing that you were into women. I just want you to want to come home as much as I want you to come home.” Abby said sincerely. 

Clarke smiled. “I haven’t been home for three years. Why now?” 

“I’ve always wanted to be closer, Clarke. I just never knew how. Maybe just saying it is a start,” Abby smiled at her daughter. 

Clarke nodded. “I would love that, mom.” 

The two women smiled and embraced each other. They talked about what was going on in their lives and plans for the holidays. 

Clarke started to wonder about Lexa. She went to find her. 

“Lex?” Clarke asked stumbling into her room. Lex was on the phone. Lexa smiled when Clarke entered the room, but Clarke knew that it was fake. 

“Who are you talking to?” Clarke asked frowning. She felt a hint of jealousy rising. 

“I’ll talk to you later.” Lexa quickly hung up the phone. 

“Anya,” Lexa replied biting the bottom of her lip. 

“Is everything okay? You don’t look very good.” Clarke pointed out concerned about her girlfriend. Her face was white, and her hair was tangled.

“Everything’s perfect when I’m with you, Clarke.” Lexa said pulling the blonde close to her. 

But Clarke knew that she was lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I can't thank you enough


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke and Lexa’s bodies were intertwined. Lexa couldn’t sleep that night, but having Clarke close to her made her feel better. She laid awake early in the morning thinking. What was she going to do? Of course she had to tell Clarke the truth, but she needed to know for sure what the truth was. She thought of multiple ways to slip out of bed, but all of them included lying to Clarke, which she didn’t want to do. She didn’t just want to leave the girl in the night, what if she woke up? How could Lexa even explain that? 

Lexa knew that Clarke liked to sleep in late on the weekends, but she didn’t think she could wait any longer. Around 7am she woke Clarke up gently. 

“Hey babe,” Lexa shook Clarke gently. 

Clarke groaned and rolled over. Her hair was tangled and spilled over her face. 

“Do you mind if I go for a run?” Lexa whispered. 

“You’re leaving me?” Clarke said grumpily. 

“I promise I’ll make it up to you later,” Lexa laughed and kissed her on the cheek. 

Clarke groaned again. “That better involve coffee and donuts.” Clarke pouted. 

Lexa laughed again at the blonde. “Fine. I’ll go find some when I’m out.” 

Lexa kissed Clarke and snuck out the door careful not to wake Abby or Marcus up. She had googled how to get to the police station from Clarke’s house. It was only a two-mile run, and Lexa really did need to run. It helped the woman clear her head and feel awake, a habit that she picked up in high school. It was thanks to Anya that she found running, and it was probably the reason she was so fit. Anya also introduced her to boxing, which helped her release her anger. Sometime, her anger seemed like a never-ending stream. She had gotten much better at controlling her emotions since she had been younger. Lexa awyas felt bad for Indra and Augustus, Anya’s parents because even she would admit that she had been a handful growing up. Indra and Augustus did not sign up to take care of Lexa when Lexa and Anya became friends, but that is what ended up happening. 

...  
(MEMORY)

Lexa slowly crept the door open and slid her body through the crack quietly. It was late and Lexa knew she would be in trouble. 

“Where have you been?” Indra said calmly. She had been sitting on the couch waiting. 

“What are you doing awake?” Lexa asked feeling her annoyance build up. 

“Waiting for you.” She stood up and approached Lexa. “Anya said you skipped practice. Where have you been?” 

Lexa could not look the woman in the eye. She was strong and intimidating, and the guilt began to sink into Lexa. She did not respond. 

“What happened to your face?” Indra asked concerned with a hint of anger. She already knew. 

“Um..” Lexa stalled trying to think of a good explanation. 

“Don’t lie to me, Lexa. Come on.” Indra said sternly leading her to the kitchen. Indra had always been careful not to touch her, as she knew about her history. 

She got an icepack out of the freezer and handed it to Lexa. 

“Well?” The older woman boomed.

“I saw Aden. And my mom.” Lexa said quickly. 

“What?” Indra asked confused. “Why would you do that?” 

“Aden reached out to me, said he missed me. So I met up with him, but my mom was there. She said she had changed and that things were different now. I could tell by Aden’s clothes and face that they weren’t. She just wanted money.” Lexa said sadly. 

“Lexa, look at me.” Indra told her. She obeyed her commands. 

“Aden chose to be with her. He made the choice. You don’t have to face the consequences for that. You can’t go out and see him when he’s around. And whatever you do- you can not give that woman money. You know exactly where it is going.” Indra stated harshly. 

Lexa nodded. Drugs and alcohol. 

“Did she do this to you?” Indra asked calmer. 

Lexa nodded. 

“You know you’re family, Lexa. You are one of us, We’ll do everything and anything to help you. Next time, why don’t you come to one of us first?” Indra suggested. 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa said sincerely. 

“Don’t think that gets you out of trouble, though. You still have to follow our rules!” 

Lexa groaned. 

...  
Lexa got to the police station and asked to see Aden Ground. They agreed to let her to do that because she was his family. Lexa was nervous. She hadn’t seen Aden since that day when he was only 9 years old. Lexa was only 16, and now somehow he was 16. 

When Lexa saw him, she almost didn’t recognize him. He had grown at least a foot taller. His face was thin and rough. He had messy brown hair and dark eyes. He was tall and lanky, yet muscular. He looked older than Lexa. 

“Aden?” She half asked and half knew the answer. She was not smiling. 

“Lexa?” He asked surprised quickly getting up and wrapping his arms around the older woman. “What are you doing here?” He seemed happy to see his sister. 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa ignored his question. She noticed tattoos on his arms, which only meant one thing- he was in a gang. 

“It’s not what they have been saying.” He defended. 

“You shot someone?! And you’re in a gang now?” Lexa was disappointed in her little brother. She always felt an overwhelming urge to protect him. She felt like she had failed, but in truth, she knew it was her mother who had failed. 

“I’m just taking the fall for the shooting. I didn’t actually do it.” Aden explained.

“Why would you do that?” Lexa shouted. 

“I have to protect my family.” Aden said stiffly. 

“They are not your fucking family!” Lexa yelled. 

“And you are?” He retorted. Lexa stopped talking and turned her eyes away from him. 

Aden sighed. “Seriously, Lex. What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in years and this definitely isn’t the first time I have been arrested.” 

Lexa felt a pang in her heart for her brother. “I was in the neighborhood. How long are you going to be locked up for this?”

“Well, thanks to good ole dad, I will probably be tried as an adult.” Aden explained with anger. 

“You’ve seen dad??” Lexa was shocked. Their father had left when they were young, not helping either of the children from their mother. She had never heard a word from him since he left. No cards. No phone calls. Nothing. 

“Yeah. That fuck owns a bunch of companies in California now. He’s super loaded. And won’t even help family out. He’s called the cops on me and the last time, he pressed charges.” Aden was disgusted.

Lexa was surprised. She always assumed her father had been as much of a bum as her mother. She never expected him to be rich. Why he never helped her or Aden out was something that she probably would never understand. She felt anger rise and sorrow for her little brother. 

“Look, I’m really happy to see you, Lexa.” Aden said making eye contact with her. “I’ve missed you.” 

Lexa nodded. “I’ve missed you too.” 

“Can you help me?” Aden pleaded. 

Lexa thought back to the last time he said that. And the time before that. And the time before that. And the truth was that she couldn’t help him. She realized that Indra had always been right, he had made this choice long ago. He could have stayed with Indra and Augustus, but he chose mom. A woman who wouldn’t even bat an eye for him. It’s strange how people chose those people over people who genuinely care for you. 

“No,” Lexa said seriously.

“Why?” He asked. 

“I can only help you get out of these charges if you stop this gang shit and go live with Indra and Augustus.” Lexa stated. 

“What?” Aden’s face fell. “I can’t just leave a gang. They will literally kill me.” 

“We could work something out.” Lexa said. Aden shook his head. 

“Here, I’ll leave you with my number. If you’re serious about needing help and complying with my rules, then call me sometime.” Lexa said shaking. “I love you, Aden. But there is only so much that I can do for you.” 

It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She had never refused him. It took all her might to walk out the door, but she knew that she had to be a better person. If not for herself, then for Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everybody! Also Happy Earth Day. Please take care of the planet and yourself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and the feedback. I appreciate you all!!

Lexa walked through the door of the Griffin’s house with donuts and coffee for everyone, just as she promised. On her way home, she passed a donuts shop and got a dozen for everyone. She realized she wasn’t even sure what kind Clarke liked because they had never eaten donuts together before, but she tried her best to pick out one she thought Clarke would like. She had to walk home because she was unable to run with everything that she was carrying.

When she got back, Clarke was still asleep. Lexa laughed at her girlfriend and jumped on top of her. 

“Time to wake up!” Lexa giggled. 

Clarke fake glared at. “No,” she responded still tangled in the blankets. 

“Come on, I bought you coffee and donuts,” Lexa sang. 

Clarke’s head shot up. “You did?” A huge smile spread across her face. 

“Of course,” Lexa replied. “A small price to pay for your happiness.” 

Clarke jumped out of bed. “You’re the best.” 

They walked downstairs to eat together. 

“This is my favorite! How did you know?” Clarke said looking at the brand and a donut Lexa had picked. It was not the one that Lexa thought she would like. It actually was the one that she liked the best, but she didn’t say anything. 

“How was your run?” Clarke asked. 

“Good,” Lexa breathed out. “Clarke. I actually need to talk to you about something.” 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. “Okay,” she responded slowly looking at Lexa’s lake green eyes. 

“Wow, Lexa! You bought breakfast. That’s so sweet of you. Thank you!” Abby had entered the kitchen, interrupting the two girls. 

Lexa looked away from Clarke. “It was really no problem. I was out for a run anyway.” Lexa replied smiling. 

“Well, we used to go there all of the time. Remember, Clarke?” Abby asked her daughter. 

“Yes.” Clarke laughed remembering her father. 

“When are you two heading back?” Abby questioned. 

“Pretty soon,” Clarke answered. “I have some homework to do.”

“Well, you know, maybe you could come back sooner rather than later.” Abby stated to Clarke. “And of course, Lexa, you’re always welcome!” 

Lexa smiled. “Thanks, Abby. It was a pleasure meeting you.” Clarke rolled her eyes at how formal Lexa was, but she secretly loved how polite she was. 

After they ate breakfast, Lexa showered quickly. They packed there things and headed back to Arcadia University. Clarke hugged Abby and Marcus goodbye. Abby insisted on hugging Lexa goodbye, too. Clarke promised she would call more often, and Abby agreed she would make more of an effort herself. 

In the car, Lexa was silent. She kept thinking about Aden and how he got in the situation that he had been. How would things be if Lexa made different choices? If he had made different choices? The one thing that she knew for sure- if it wasn’t for Anya and her family, she would probably be behind bars with Aden. 

“Lex?” Clarke said. Lexa was jerked from her drifting thoughts. 

“Thanks for coming with me.” She finished. 

“Of course. Everything was perfect.” Lexa replied, but she was unable to smile. 

“Okay, then what’s wrong?” Clarke frowned. 

“Huh?” Lexa replied quickly furrowing her eyebrows. 

“Something’s off with you. I hope this all wasn’t too much. I know that this whole plan was really spontaneous. But I hope that you didn’t feel like you had to come. I wanted you here and to meet my mom, too.” Clarke explained softly. 

“What? No, no, no. This wasn’t too much. Your mom and Marcus are great. I’m so happy to be with you!” Lexa responded at a racing speed. Her eyes were pleading with Clarkes, but Clarke’s eyes were on the road. 

Lexa gulped when Clarke didn’t say anything. “I-“ Lexa began. But she questioned how to even begin this. She plopped her hand on her face, looking downwards.   
Clarke looked at her curiously. The brunette took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something.” Her voice came out more steadily this time. 

“What?” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“Okay.” 

“Growing up, my mom had problems. She was in and out of prison. We never really had a stable home, always staying on people’s couches or in shelters. My mom, she had a drinking problem and a drug addiction. When she went to jail, the state took us and put us in a foster home, but when she would get out, she would somehow always get us back. And the cycle kept repeating. She would become abusive when she was going through withdrawals or if she was drinking.” Lexa began.   
“Oh my god, Lexa. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” Clarke said to her with sad eyes. 

“Anya and I became good friends when I was in elementary school. When her parents found out about my situation, they offered to help. They fostered me and my b-brother.” Lexa continued. 

“You have a brother?” Clarke asked surprised. 

“Yes. His name is Aden and he is five years younger than me. So he wasn’t able to understand anything that was happening. Not that I was old enough either, but he was so young.” Lexa paused. “When my mom got out of prison, he went back to her, but I stayed with Anya and her family. They have taken care of me since then and have always looked out for me.” 

“That’s what Anya meant when she said you two were basically sisters.” Clarke pointed out. 

“Yes. She feels more like family than anyone. So do her parents, Indra and Augustus.” 

“That’s really nice of them to do that for you,” the blonde said smiling. 

"Where's your dad in all of this?" Clarke asked seriously. 

Lexa shrugged. "He left when I was young. Haven't heard anything from him since then." 

Clarke frowned. Who wouldn't want to be apart of Lexa's life? 

Lexa nodded. “Clarke. Aden is the one that shot Marcus.” 

“What?” Clarke almost swerved her car. 

“Well, he didn’t shoot him. But he is taking the fall for it. He’s in a gang.” Lexa explained. 

“How do you know that he didn’t do it?” Clarke asked, her face white. 

“I went and saw him. On my run.” Lexa explained looking down. 

Clarke didn’t say anything. 

“Look, I didn’t know how to explain this to you. But when your mom said his name, I freaked out. I haven’t seen him in years, Clarke. Years. I wanted to know what was going on. I didn’t know he was in a gang. Hell, I didn’t even know he was in this state.” Lexa responded. 

“This is all really confusing,” Clarke said. 

Lexa frowned. “I know. I’m sorry.” They were both silent for a long time. 

“What are you going to do?” Clarke asked Lexa eventually. 

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“About your brother.” 

“There’s nothing for me to do unless he really wants my help, and I don’t think he does. He has a new family now and so do I.” Lexa shrugged but was biting her lip.

“Lexa, what I meant by ‘this is all confusing’ was just about the Marcus part. I just don’t know how to feel because he shot him.” Clarke explained. 

“I told you, he didn’t shoot him. He’s just taking the fall.” Lexa cut in. 

“And you believe him?” Clarke asked curiously. 

“Yes.” 

Clarke sighed. “I hope you know that this doesn’t change anything, though. I’m glad you told me.” 

Lexa’s eyebrows shot up. Clarke noticed, so she continued, “Lexa, I really love you. Your past doesn’t change who you are. And you have been so supportive of everything I have been through, I want to help you. Of course, I’m here. We can figure this out together, if that’s what you want to do.” 

“I don’t deserve you, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa said shaking her head. She was fighting back tears. 

“No, I don’t deserve you.” Clarke giggled back at her.   
Both women began to laugh as their hands interlocked, just like their hearts.


	16. Chapter 16

When they arrived home, Clarke and Lexa were inseparable. Lexa knew that she needed talk to Anya, and she wanted to start being more open with Clarke. 

“Lex?” Anya poked her head out of her room when she heard the door to her apartment opening. 

“Hey, Anya.” Lexa sighed. 

Anya came out of her room still dressed in her pajamas. 

“Did you just wake up?” Clarke asked laughing at her friend. 

“Yeah, I didn’t sleep well last night.” Anya frowned. 

“Ohhhh, it was that kind of night.” Lexa rang suggestively. 

Anya breathed out. “The opposite actually. Raven and I got in a fight, and I was worried about you.” Anya looked at Clarke and made a face. She looked back at Lexa, almost as if she was asking permission to talk about things with the blonde woman around. 

“Oh.” Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No. Just Aden.” Anya said sharply. 

“Fine. We’ll go boxing later.” 

“You want to get your ass kicked? Fine by me.” Anya said smugly. 

Lexa laughed sarcastically. She turned her head to Clarke. “I always beat her.” She said as if Anya was not there. Anya rolled her eyes while Clarke cracked up. 

“We can talk about things later,” Anya said casually, looking at Clarke again. 

“No, now.” Lexa replied quickly. 

Anya cocked her head at Clarke and looked confused. “You told her everything?” 

“Yes.” 

“Wow,” the older woman breathed out amazed. Clarke knew that Lexa wasn’t an open book, but she didn’t expect Anya to be this surprised. Lexa must be more closed off than she thought. It made her feel special that the brunette trusted her enough with this information. 

“What happened?” Anya asked her sitting down along with the other woman. 

“He said he’s in a gang, and that he didn’t shoot him. He’s just taking the fall for it. He wants my help, but I don’t know.” Lexa sighed. She felt an urge to protect her younger brother. 

“And your mom?” Anya questioned. 

“I don’t know. He didn’t say anything about her. But he did say that my dad is in California. He owns a bunch of companies and is apparently rich now.” Lexa explained. 

“What?” Anya blurted. “Maybe you should call my parents.” 

“You’re right. They would know what to do.” Lexa responded. Lexa had no intention of calling Indra or Augustus about this. If she could prevent drama from happening in their lives, she would. They had already done so much for her. She did not want to ask them to do anything more. 

Lexa faked a smile. 

...  
Later that evening, the two women were hanging out at Clarke’s apartment. She caught up with Ocavia, who was glad that Marcus was okay. She went to the library to study since she had spent her weekend with Bellamy and his friends. 

Clarke and Lexa cuddled on the couch together. Clarke agreed to watch one of Lexa’s dorky documentaries with her. She would never say it aloud to Lexa, but she secretly enjoyed watching them. 

“The walruses just fall off the cliff and die?” Clarke was baffled during a documentary. Lexa giggled at how choked up Clarke was about it. 

“The ice melts and they just fall off!” Clarke said again dramatically. 

“You love these,” Lexa smirked. 

“No!” Clarke protested. “I’m only concerned about the walruses” Both of the women were laughing as usual. 

“I’m going to go change,” Lexa said getting up. 

“Ooh, can I come?” Clarke asked hopefully.

“I don’t think my girlfriend would like that very much,” Lexa joked with her. 

“I think your girlfriend would be okay with it,” Clarke responded seductively. Lexa grinned. 

By the time Clarke got to her room, Lexa was looking at a notebook. Clarke had left it open on her desk and had forgotten about it. She flew towards the brunette and grabbed the book out of her hands. But Lexa had already seen it. 

“Is that me?” Lexa asked her. 

Clarke blushed and nodded, 

“Clarke. Those are amazing. And that is so adorable that you drew me. Let me see again!” Lexa exclaimed. She jumped on her like an excited puppy dog. 

“No. You weren’t even supposed to see.” Clarke’s face was still red but she was smiling now.

“Buttttt I did.” Lexa sang. Clarke fake groaned. 

“Come on you wouldn’t have shown me those? That’s just evil, Griffin.” Lexa joked tickling the girl. 

Clarke shrieked while giggling. “Lexa, knock it off.” 

Lexa was grinning. “Okay, I’m done.” Lexa sat up with her arm holding her head. She stated at Clarke in the eyes. 

A smile spread across the brunette’s lips. “You are so beautiful, Clarke.” She said as if she was drunk off of the blonde. 

Clarke playfully rolled her eyes. Lexa grabbed her hand and looked at her. “No, I’m serious. You are beautiful on the inside and out. Obviously, I don’t need to tell you how physically attractive you are. But mentally, you are the most gorgeous person I have ever met.”

Clarke was blushing. Lexa threw in, “Oh, and your art is amazing. So soulful and unique. I love it and I love you.” 

“What do you want from me, Woods?” Clarke joked at her smiling like an idiot. 

“Everything.” 

Her lips went crashing on Clarke’s. The couple made love until they fell asleep safely in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping this up soon and there will be a happy ending


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading

Clarke insisted that she take Lexa on a date. It didn’t take Lexa very much convincing to spend the whole day with Clarke. She told the blonde that the semester was coming to an end, and she needed to start writing part of their psychology project. Clarke brushed her off since she could because she was her partner. 

“We’re going on a picnic!” Clarke shrieked beaming. She jumped up onto Lexa who couldn’t hold back her smile. When she was around Clarke, it was like her lips were held to a string always tugging them upwards. 

“What do you need me to do?” Lexa asked politely. 

“Nothing!” Clarke answered quickly. “Just spend the day with me. We haven’t spent a whole day together in a while.” 

Lexa laughed. “Clarke, we spent the whole weekend together. That was like five days ago.” 

Clarke frowned. “It feels like way longer than that.” Lexa nodded in agreement.

“Well, how were those five days for you then?” Lexa smirked wrapping her hands around Clarke. 

Clarke nuzzled closer to the brunette. “Horrible without you.” Clarke dramatically threw her head back and groaned. 

“I still saw you, dork.” Lexa grinned. 

“I know, but I still missed you.” Clarke had puppy dog eyes looking at Lexa. 

Lexa’s heart melted and she grinned stupidly. “I missed you too, babe.” 

“You don’t have to today though. Because we are going on a picnic!” Clarke repeated jumping again. “I’ll pick you up in an hour.” 

Lexa followed Clarke outside of her room and noticed Anya and Raven in the living room. 

“Hey Lex.” Anya said noticing Lexa lurking. 

“Hi,” Lexa replied awkwardly. She eyed the two women on the couch together. They were wrapped into each other, which meant they had probably made up. 

“What are you doing this weekend?” Raven asked Lexa. 

“I don’t know…” Lexa trailed off. “Probably what ever Clarke is doing.” 

Anya snickered. “That sounds so lame, Lex.” Lexa blushed and had to agree. 

“Well, Clarke will be at my place. We are having a bonfire while it’s still nice out. It’s gonna start snowing any second. You know how the weather is like here.” Raven explained. 

“Fun! Thanks, Raven.” Lexa added. She appreciated how Raven always tried to include her even if Clarke was not around.

Clarke arrived at her house exactly one hour later. Clarke was always on time. She always loved following plans and had an itinerary for everything, but never seem frazzled when the plans broke. 

“Where are we going?” Lexa asked. Clarke was wrapped in a blue hoodie that made her eyes pop. 

“You’ll see,” Clarke grinned. Lexa rolled her eyes smiling. 

Clarke drove them to a park with a steep golden-brown colored cliff towering over a lake. She motioned Lexa out of the car and grabbed her backpack full of food. They skipped to the end of the cliff. 

“Come on!” Clarke raced excitedly beginning to climb the cliff. 

“We’re climbing that thing?” Lexa asked eyes bulging. She was surprised because she didn’t take Clarke as an adventurer or one up for physical activity. 

“Awh, are you scared Lex?” Clarke coddled smiling at her. 

“Only of you falling.” 

Clarke laughed. “Okay. I may have done that once of twice.” Lexa mirrored her laugh. The two girls began climbing and made it to the top. Clarke sat her blanket down and the two women sat on it. 

“Wow, the view is beautiful up here.” Lexa commented looking at the hoizon. The lake waves crashed into the cliffs lightly. The bush surrounded the area and the sky lit up pink ahead. 

“I used to come here and smoke weed.” Clarke said. “Have you ever done it?” 

Lexa shook her head not looking at the girl. She was not surprised that Clarke had done drugs, and she knew that she had done others, too. She didn’t think there was any harm in smoking marijuana, but she preferred not to do. One thing that she had learned from her mother was that she had an addicting personality and it was passed down to everyone in the family. Lexa feared drinking sometime, like she felt out of control when she pressed a bottle of beer to her lips, fearing she might slip rage any second. 

“Aren’t you curious?” Clarke pried. 

“No,” Lexa replied not saying anything else. 

Clarke smiled. “That’s okay. You don’t mind that I occasionally do drugs, do you?” Her heart was beating fast. 

Lexa frowned. “What drugs?” 

“Just weed. Maybe other hallucenigenics occasionally.” Clarke shrugged. 

“Clarke, you can make your own choices. But I don’t understand why you would want to do those things.” Lexa said sadly. 

“I don’t understand why you don’t want to do them.” Clarke huffed. 

Lexa turned towards the blonde scowling. She almost snapped at her. Red flashed in her chest, but she quickly looked away breathing like the waves. Lexa drew her knees into her chest. 

Clarke sighed. “I’m sorry, Lexa. I’m not judging you. I just am making sure you’re comfortable with me doing it.” She placed her hand on Lexa’s back, but Lexa flinched. Clarke withdrew her hand and winced. 

There was a pause of silence. “Like I said, you can make your own decisions.” Lexa replied softly and monotone. 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. “You seem upset. Did I do something wrong?” 

Lexa turned her head towards Clarke and shook it. “No, sorry. I just feel very tired.” 

Clarke tried to place her hand on Lexa’s back again and the brunette let her. Clarke scooted in close to her and wrapped her arm around the woman.   
“Okay.” Clarke said softly. “How about we eat and then I will take you home and we can nap.” 

Lexa nodded and smiled slightly. “What did you bring to eat?” Lexa asked. 

Clarke fumbled through her backpack. She pulled out sandwiches for the girls. Lexa’s favorite of course, along with fruit, cucumbers and brownies. Clarke did not understand this, but Lexa loved to eat cucumbers. She ate them all of the time as a snack and practically with every meal. 

“Ooooh,” Lexa smiled at the container of sliced cucumbers and Clarke giggled. 

“Thanks for doing all of this. It’s really sweet.” Lexa took a bite of her sandwich. 

“Lexa, I love you.” Clarke blurted.

Lexa laughed. “I know and I love you, too.” 

“No, you don’t know because I really really love you. And I have never done anything special for you.” Clarke said looking sad. 

“You do things for me all of the time.” Lexa pointed out thinking back to Clarke bringing her lunch, smoothies, and scratching her hair. 

“But nothing to show you truly how much I love you.” Clarke commented. 

Lexa frowned. “Clarke, you are perfect. I don’t need you to do fancy things for me to know that.” 

Clarke pulled out something from her bag. She handed it to Lexa. It was a drawing of the two women. They were at the spot that Lexa first took her, where she began painting again. The drawing was intricate with every detail perfect. Clarke wanted the best for Lexa. 

“Oh my god, Clarke.” Lexa looked down at the photograph beaming. “This is amazing!”

“That’s what I have really been doing these past five days,” Clarke said sheepishly. 

Lexa placed It against her heart. “I love it. And I love you.” 

Clarke slowly brushed her lips on Lexa’s. She wanted to have sex with Clarke so badly at this moment. Her hands running along Clarke’s body and in her long blonde hair. She wanted to feel the woman physically as badly as she felt her mentally. She could show Clarke how much the gift truly meant to her. She never thought of herself as good with words. Suddenly, Lexa wasn’t feeling very tired anymore. 

“Maybe we can go to the car?” Lexa was panting. 

“The car? Lexa, no!” Clarke giggled.

“I mean fine we can wait.” Lexa blushed and had a look of urgency on her face. 

“On the other hand…” Clarke trailed kissing the brunette again heading towards the car.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little bit of angst

Laying in bed, Lexa closed her eyes. Sleep fell upon her quickly and easily, but it hadn’t been in that way when it got dark out. She could herself awake with the moon, scrolling through her phone and having fears about the future. It felt like her body wanted to cry, to fall on the floor, and cry all of her problems away. Gone with the tears that she would wipe off her cheek before drifting off to sleep. The problem was, Lexa had not been able to cry. She even tried to a few times, squeezing her eyes together so tightly that she began to get a headache. 

When Lexa finally fell asleep that day, she was quickly awoken by her nightmares. In her dreams, she was with Clarke. The two women were in a place similar to one of Lexa’s childhood homes. The living room was small being taken up mostly by a beat-up green couch. Lexa had been laying underneath Costia at first, but then it turned to Clarke. 

“I’ll end up just like her if I am with you,” The Clarke/Costia figure whispered in Lexa’s ears. Chills ran down her spine, and when she woke up she could feel then overtaking her body. It felt so real. 

When Lexa calmed down, she realized that she had missed classes again and she hadn’t replied to Clarke at all today. She looked at her phone where she had a missed call from Clarke and a few text messages. 

Good morning babe

Where are you? Are you skipping class again? 

Lexa sighed. During her last psychology class two days ago, she was not able to get out of bed. It was like her legs were glued to the bed, and the blanket strapped her in like during shock therapy. She had lied to Clarke and told her she fell asleep because she was embarrassed to tell her about how she was feeling. Seeing Clarke had always made her feel better, but the second she left, it was like her vision turned black. 

Lexa replied: I’m sorry. I fell asleep again. 

Clarke responded quickly. Are you feeling okay? Can I come over? 

In a little bit. I have some things to get done before Raven’s tn. Lexa texted. 

Okay. You didn’t answer my question about feeling okay? -Clarke

I am fine, but I will be better when I see you later 😊 

Lexa laid in her bed counting her heartbeats. She would be okay, she continually reassured herself. Today was a difficult day after all. 

..  
When Clarke got to Lexa’s apartment, she noticed a bottle of vodka sitting out on the counter with the cap off. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. It was uncharacteristic of Lexa to drink by herself, let alone vodka. She knew that her girlfriend preferred whiskey. Lexa approached her with a smirk on her face, slipping her hand behind Clarke’s back. 

“Hi, Clarke,” Lexa slurred with a grin on her face. 

“Lex, are you drinking already?” Clarke asked embracing the women back. 

Lexa stepped back and smiled. “Yes. You better catch up. It is Friday night!” 

“What happened to being tired?” Clarke asked. 

“I napped, duh.” Lexa said playfully like the blonde asked her a question as obvious as what color her hair was. 

“Why have you been so tired lately?” Clarke continued to press confused about the girl’s actions. 

Lexa frowned. “I just have not been sleeping well lately.” Lexa nibbled at the bottle of her lip. It was the tell that Clarke had figured out. She had been biting it so much that Clarke wouldn’t be surprised if she drew blood from time to time. 

Lexa’s gaze followed the ground. “Lexa.” Clarke said grabbing the woman. Clarke had wrapped her hand around Lexa’s forearm. The touch was gentle, but the brunette yelped quietly and jumped back. Clarke stood there confused, hoping that she did not hurt the woman. Their eyes met for an intense moment.

Lexa quickly regained her balance and sighed. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” She quickly explained away, pacing in front of her. “I don’t like it when people touch me when they are yelling at me.” 

“I wasn’t yelling at you,” Clarke defended quickly. 

“Whatever. Raising your voice at me.” Lexa interjected. Clarke’s eyes looked saddened and her face was drooped downward. 

Touching her arm slightly, Lexa looked at the blonde apologetically. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke stammered out suddenly feeling frozen. “It’s because your mom, right?” 

Lexa nodded. Half of her lips casted downward, while she attempted to smile. 

“I would never hurt you, Lexa. You know that right?” Clarke asked her sincerely. 

“Yes, of course. It was just a bodily reaction.”

Lexa hugged the woman and Clarke squeezed her tightly back. 

“I just want to have a fun night with you,” Lexa smiled mischievously, suddenly turning back into the drunken woman from before. 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile. “What are you drinking with your vodka?” 

“Uhhh.. nothing” Lexa smirked. “Can you keep up?” 

“Try me, Woods.” Clarke grinned gulping a shot of pure vodka. 

...  
The two women went off to Raven’s apartment. Lexa suddenly realized that she had never been there. She thought that was strange because Anya had spent so much time there, and she was not even aware of the world that her best friend was in. Lexa was overwhelmed with a sadness about the realization. 

When she approached the group of people, she immediately went to Anya. 

“So this is where you have been spending all of your time?” Lexa joked. 

Anya smiled at her and so did Raven. “I might have to start charging her rent soon,” Raven smirked placing an arm on her girlfriend. 

Anya feigned annoyance, but Lexa noticed that she was smirking. The group was at Raven’s house, which was a small, but cute college house. They gathered around a firepit that radiated off heat. The weather was cold. Lexa was glad that she had a blanket and Clarke to cuddle with. 

“Do you want me to make you a smore?” Lexa offered Clarke who was wrapped tightly in a blanket. 

“It depends. How do you cook your marshmallows?” Clarke cocked her head. 

“I always burn them,” Lexa laughed. 

“Hmmm. That definenlty means that you are too lazy to cook it right, which means that you like easy fixes for your problems and don’t like investing your time in the good stuff.” Clarke analyzed her and half mocked the brunette. 

Anya burst out laughing. 

“So this is what you guys do?” Octavia inquired smirking. 

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Okay, make your own smore.” 

“Awh, don’t be butthurt that I am being you.” Clarke pulled the woman on her laugh.

A smile crept on Lexa’s lips.   
“By the way, i like my marshmallows golden. You have to work for me.” Clarke slurred. 

“I already do,” Lexa groaned. Both of the women laugh. 

Lexa grew quite after this. She smiled a tad later than everyone else, like she was only smiling because she noticed everyone else was. She seemed distracted, and Clarke was already concerned. 

“Do you want me to grab you another drink?” Clarke asked the woman noticing that her cup was empty. 

“Sure, thanks.” Lexa smiled handing her girlfriend the cup. 

Clarke went in the kitchen where Anya was in the process of getting some snacks out. 

“Hey, Clarke!” She said. They chatted for a minute before Clarke got the confidence to ask her what she wanted to. 

“Anya…?” Clarke began. 

“What?” She shot her head at the blonde. 

“Do you think everything is okay with Lexa lately? She seems different these past few days, like she is very distracted. She told me she’s not sleeping well and that’s all she’ll say. But I think there’s more,” Clarke explained. “I’m just worried. That’s all.” 

Anya looked at Clarke for a minute, like she was pondering how to answer her. Suddenly, she realized something. She flicked her watch up and looked at the date. Her emotion and reaction did not hide through her face. 

“What is it?” Clarke asked growing worried. 

“Holy shit. I can’t believe that I forgot.” Anya said with her mouth gaping open. She buried her face in her hands. 

“Forgot what?” Clarke was desperate for answers. 

“I’m not sure if I should be the one telling you this, but today is the day Costia died two years ago,” Anya blurted out. She put her hands on her lips like maybe she regretting telling Clarke that. 

Clarke’s face fell. Why would Lexa not tell her this? Frustration and sadness bubbled up inside of her. 

Anya looked like she was going to say something, but Raven walked through the door. 

“What is taking you so long? I need these pizza rolls!” Raven jumped ontop of Anya who was holding the plate in her hands. They both went back to the fire, followed by Clarke. 

Clarkes eyebrows were pointed downward. It was like her body had rippled out a fluid of heat, reaching everywhere from the back of her spine to the tips of her fingertips. She silently handed Lexa the drink. She couldn’t even remember what she had gotten the woman. Clarke did not look at her when she thanked her.   
Later in the night, Lexa laid her head on Clarke’s shoulder. For a moment, Clarke felt herseld softening up, but then she remembered why she was angry and felt it all over again. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Clarke hushed harshly at Lexa whose eye’s were drifting to sleep again. 

She opened them and frowned. “Tell you what?” 

Clarke groaned. “Why do you do that?” 

“Do what?” Lexa asked confused taking her head off of Clarke and looking at her. Lexa noticed a look in Clarke that she hadn’t seen before and was taken back. 

Clarke didn’t say anything and just sipped her drink. Lexa pleaded. “Clarke? What are you talking about?” 

“Should I just be like you? And say that everything is fine.” Clarke gritted through her teeth. 

Lexa sat still for a moment feeling like she had just been beat up. “Did Anya tell you?” She asked even though she already knew the answer. 

“Why did I have to hear it from her?” Clarke’s voice began rising. 

Lexa flushed because she did not want other people hearing them fighting. She rolled her eyes in annoyance with Anya. Clarke looked like she was about to burst.   
Lexa looked around unreadable. She wiped her face. “Can we talk about this somewhere else please?” There was desperation in her voice. 

“Fine.” Clarke agreed. 

The two women walked to the front yard. “Well?” Clarke said impatiently crossing her arms. 

Lexa felt anger rising inside of her too. “Clarke, why are you so upset?” 

“Why don’t you trust me enough to be honest with me? To tell me these kinds of things?” Clarke spat.

“I do trust you!” Lexa said quickly. 

“Clearly not.” Clarke retorted. “I just don’t understand.” 

The alcohol was not helping the situation. “I don’t have to tell you everything.” Lexa replied harshly. 

“Fine. Then I’ll stop telling you personal details about my life. Oh, right. There’s nothing else to tell because I already told you weeks ago!” Clarke replied bitterly. 

Lexa rolled her eyes. “I can’t deal with this right now. I’m going home.” 

Lexa whipped out her car keys. “You think that you’re driving?” Clarke asked suddenly eyes bulging out of her eyes. She aggressively approached Lexa and ripped them away. 

“What is wrong with you?” Clarke yelled. 

“Clarke, I wasn’t-“ Lexa tried to explain but Clarke was already sobbing. She threw the keys across the dark yard and screamed. 

Lexa approached the angry woman. “Will you listen to me?” Lexa asked annoyed trying to shake Clarke towards her. Lexa knew why the thought of Lexa driving drunk upset her so much. It wasn't only that it was dangerous. 

“Don’t touch me!” Clarke pushed her off of her. 

Octavia ran to Clarke. She looked quickly between then woman. Clarke was still sobbing, tears streaming down her face. She laid limp in Octavia’s arms who looked at Lexa for an explanation. 

Lexa shook her head and walked home alone, sobbing into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and do not worry


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the make up

The following afternoon, Lexa laid in her bed. The room was almost as dark as she had felt- the sunlight not able to reach the other side of her blinds, her lights turned off, and thick covers over her head. She had Anya come home in the morning and rustle around in the kitchen. Lexa didn’t dare move, in fact, she was convinced that she couldn’t. Her head was pounding and she felt ill. Lexa’s only desire was to sleep the day away and maybe more. 

She heard a knocking on her door. Her body laid limp under the covers. She pondered for a moment to pretend to be sleeping, but Anya would know better.   
“Lex?” Anya asked gently, knocking again. 

Lexa did not respond. She heard a sigh from the other side of the door when the knob slowly began to turn. Lexa felt like a vampire in sunlight when the light from the hallway crept in the room. 

“I know you’re not sleeping.” Anya told her seriously flicking on the lights. 

Lexa groaned, pulling the covers over her eyes. 

“Look, I heard about you and Clarke last night. What happened?” Anya sat on the bed next to her. 

Lexa’s nostrils flared. “Don’t act like you don’t know.” 

“Okay, yeah. We all heard you fighting, but-“ Anya explained. 

“But you told Clarke my business.” Lexa cut in sharply. Her eyes were squinted at the older woman in front of her. 

Anya was silent for a moment. “She asked me and it just slipped out. She seemed genuinely concerned.” She explained with pleading eyes. 

“I don’t care.” Lexa said emotional-less. 

“I was surprised you didn’t tell her.” Anya continued. “Why didn’t you?” 

“It’s none of your business. Now, get out.” Lexa spat. 

“Lex, I’m sorry that I told her, okay? I didn’t know. And really I’m sorry that I forgot.” Anya ignored Lexa’s request. “Let’s just talk.” 

Lexa hadn’t even acknowledged that Anya had forgotten the day, but it hit her like a ton of bricks. 

“I know I have been distant lately and hanging out with Raven a lot more. But I promise you, things will change if you need them to.” Anya continued looking at her desperately. 

Lexa’s face was stone. “Say something.” Anya half asked and half commanded. 

“You forgot?” That was all that Lexa could mutter out. 

Anya threw her head back and shifted to lay next to the brunette. “I didn’t necessarily forget. I just didn’t notice what day it was. I would have been there for you if I knew.” It came out as always a whisper. 

“Clarke’s mad that I didn’t tell her.” Lexa blurted quietly. 

“I know. Why didn’t you?”

Lexa was silent for a moment. “I forgot too.” Lexa cracked a smile at her best friend, and she laughed. 

...  
Clarke was laying in bed sadly. Octavia had brought her breakfast in the morning, which she got out of bed to eat. When she finished, she slowly crept back into her room and shut her door. She was shaken up about what happened the night before. 

Raven opened Clarke’s door without warning. “Hey, Clarke.” She said excitedly plopping on her bed. 

“Hi,” Clarke managed to smile at her friend. 

“How are you doing? You know, with last night and everything.” Raven asked seriously. It always amazed Clarke how quickly Raven could shift moods. 

“I’m…” Clarke was about to say fine but didn’t feel like lying. “I don’t know.” 

“What happened?” Her friend asked. 

“I don’t even know. I got mad at Lexa for not telling me something. I was yelling at her and she was yelling back. I thought she was going to drive somewhere and just lost it.” Clarke admitted bashfully. 

“Because Jake…?” Raven confirmed. 

“Yeah. I just was hit with everything at once.” Clarke explained. “Lexa probably hates me now.” 

Raven laughed. “Lexa could never hate you.” 

“You don’t know that. You didn’t see her last night.” Clarke explained sadly. 

“I think you should just talk to her.” Raven offered. 

Clarke nodded. “What if she doesn’t want to talk?” 

“Then give her some space.” Raven advised. “But you two are good together. She’ll come around eventually.” 

“You’re probably right.” Clarke stated flatly.

“In fact, come on. Let’s go right now!” Raven got up motioning to the woman. 

“Go where?” Clarke was confused. 

“To talk to Lexa, of course!” 

“Raven, what? No! I’m not ready!” Clarke shrieked. 

“What’s there to be ready for? Just say what you mean and mean what you feel. There’s not much else to it. Do you want to make up with Lexa, or not?” Raven said convincingly. 

“Yes, but-“ Clarke began.

But Raven had heard enough. “Great!” She interrupted pulling her arm out the door. 

...  
Raven and Clarke stood outside of Anya and Lexa’s door. Clarke felt butterflies in her stomach. She had no idea what she was doing here and lost her confidence with every step. Raven knocked harshly on the door smiling. 

Anya swung it open. Her face dropped. “What are you doing here?” 

“Not excited to see me?” Raven feigned sadness stepping through the door. 

“I’m always excited to see you,” Anya reassured smoothly. “Just wasn’t expecting either of you.” 

“I brought this one to make up with Lex.” Raven casually pointed towards the blonde.

Anya’s face tensed. “I’m not sure if that’s the best idea right now.” 

Raven glared at Anya. “Sure it is.” Her tone was as sharp as a knife. 

“It’s fine. I can come back some other time.” Clarke mumbled looking at the wooden floors. 

“No!” Raven exclaimed. 

“Raven, you don’t understand what she can be like when she is like this.” Anya lowered her voice. 

“No, you don’t understand how Clarke can be.” She shot back. 

Clarke glared at them. “Excuse me? I’m right here.” 

“Great. You know what I mean, Clarke.” Raven explained to her sheepishly. 

Clarke shook her head and cocked her head. 

“We are just rooting for the two of you. That’s all.” Raven assured. 

Clarke sighed. “Fine. I’ll try.” 

Clarke stepped towards Lexa’s room and knocked. There was no answer. 

“Just go in,” Anya suggested. 

The blonde went in to find Lexa asleep in her bed. The room was dark, and Lexa was wrapped like a tight burrito in her blankets. Clarke’s heart melted at the sight of the woman. 

“Lex, are you sleeping?” Clarke whispered just to make sure. 

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open. She looked right at Clarke but turned away. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa turned toward her quickly. “Clarke? You’re here? I thought I was dreaming.” She rubbed her eyelids and sat up. 

“No. I was hoping we could talk.” Clarke explained slowly. 

Lexa wasn’t looking at her but she nodded. Neither women spoke for a long minute. 

“I wasn’t trying to drive.” Lexa blurted out cutting the tension.

“I know that now. I’m sorry that I just lost it. When you pulled my keys out, I got so worried.” Clarke explained softly. 

“I would never do that to you, Clarke. Not after your dad.” Lexa’s eyes met Clarke’s. 

“This is my fault. I’m sorry about the way I reacted about that and you not telling me.” Clarke continued blushing. “I want you to trust me and tell me things, but you’re right. You don’t have to tell me everything.” 

“I didn’t mean that,” Lexa responded. “I was just mad. The truth is I didn’t tell you about Costia because I forgot too.” 

“What?” Clarke asked confused.

Lexa pulled her knees to her chest. “I haven’t been doing well in general lately. But I haven’t though about why because I am always thinking about how happy you make me to get through the hard times.” 

Clarke smiled. “That’s so sweet, Lexa. I love you so much and last night killed me. It hurt me so much to see how I hurt you.” She put her hand in Lexa’s. 

“Me too. Let’s just not do it again.” Lexa whispered. 

“Do you want to talk about Costia?” Clarke questioned gentley. 

“I miss her,” Lexa frowned. Clarke squeezed her hand for support signaling that it was safe to continue or stop. 

“I know I’m not always the best at expressing things, but I’ll try to be better at telling you how I am feeling. Sometimes I just don’t want you to worry.” Lexa said looking at her girlfriend. 

Clarke brushed a piece of Lexa’s hair out of her face. “I’m always worrying about you, dork.” 

“I don’t want you to always have to worry about me.” 

“I’s because I love you.” Clarke said. 

“I love you too. So much.” Lexa whispered. The statement almost looked like it hurt Lexa to say because of how much she meant it. 

“Can we take a nap?” Clarke asked feeling her eyelids grow heavy. She slipped inside the covers with Lexa. 

“I couldn’t think of anything better.” Lexa responded kissing Clarke’s forehead gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	20. Chapter 20

Clarke’s cheeks flushed when she appeared in front of her friends again. She was thinking about how she reacted the night before and how everyone had most definenlty heard it. No one seemed to mind though as everyone’s faces smiled when she came in. They were all hanging out at Lexa’s and Anya’s apartment. Lexa and Anya were sitting next to each other, engaged in their own world of conversation. Neither of them noticed Clarke had arrived. 

Clarke had been working on homework all day and began studying for finals, which were coming up soon. She kept thinking about something, but no, she couldn’t bear to continue thinking about it now.

“Hey Clarke!” Bellamy said confidently strolling over to her. “Got any plans for the summer yet?” 

Clarke frowned because it was like he was reading her mind. “Well, I am suppose to work at the hospital with my mom.” 

“You don’t seem too thrilled,” Bellamy noticed eyeing her. 

“I’ve just been thinking about being a doctor lately, and I’m just not sure,” Clarke trailed off shrugging. 

“What would you do instead?” He asked. 

“Maybe art,” It slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself. 

“That’s a great idea!” He said excitedly. “You used to draw all of the time when we were younger.”

“You noticed that?” Clarke flushed. 

“Of course. Who wouldn’t remember a talent like that,” He smirked. 

Clarke’s face turned pink and she smiled goofy. 

“You know, I never told you this, but I may have looked through some of your drawings.” Bellamy smiled suggestively. He lightly touched her arm. 

“Oh god,” Clarke hid her head. She knew what she was referring too. She used to doodle pictures of him because she had a childhood crush on him. 

“I thought it was sweet, Clarke. No need to be embarrassed. I should be the one embarrassed for never having the balls to make a move.” Bellamy sighed sadly. 

Clarke looked at him for a moment and frowned. “Why didn’t you?” 

“I always thought Octavia would hate me. Like you were her territory.” He replied honestly staring into his drink. 

“She may have hated you.” Clarke smiled. He laughed. 

Just then Lexa, approached the two. “Hi, Clarke. Sorry I didn’t see you come in.” She hugged the blonde glancing at Bellamy. 

Bellamy quickly looked away and excused himself. Clarke’s eyes adverted Lexa’s. 

“How was your day?” Lexa asked happily. 

“Good!” Clarke forced a smile.

“Clarke…” Lexa began. “Were you just flirting with Bellamy?” Clarke couldn’t read her face. It looked like she already new the answer. 

“No!” Clarke’s eye’s bulged out of her head.

Lexa frowned squinting her eyes at the blonde. “What were you talking about then?” she asked calmly. 

“It wasn’t like that,” Clarke responded quickly. 

“Why do you expect total transparency from me but not give it to me?” Lexa stated her eyes cutting sharply into Clarke’s. 

Clarke’s face sank. They both were calm. “You’re right. I’m sorry. When I was younger, I used to have a crush on him. And he just told me that he has always had a crush on me too.” Her cheeks were flushed. 

“Oh,” Lexa said frowning. 

“But, Lex.” Clarke smiled at the pouting woman in front of her. “It doesn’t matter because I love you.” 

Lexa didn’t respond. “Come on, baby. You know how much I love you.” Clarke said getting closer to Lexa. Lexa began smirking. 

“I can show you again tonight,” Clarke whispered sulkily in her ear. 

Lexa almost started panting. She smiled at the blonde desperately. She leaned in to kiss her girlfriend, but Clarke took her hand and said, “Come on.” 

Lexa rolled her eyes and joined the group. 

Later in the night, Lexa said to Clarke. “You know, I have been thinking…” She sounded nervous. 

“Uh-oh,” Clarke replied feeling buzzed. 

She laughed and so did Lexa. Lexa continued, “Maybe you should come with me to California for a little bit. To meet my family. As in Anya’s family but my family too. What do you think?” Her lips were twisted. 

Clarke couldn’t hold back her smile. “Ohmygod YES!” She beamed. “I would love to meet your family.” 

“They will love you,” Lexa grinned. 

“I’ve never been to California before!” Clarke said excitedly. 

Clarke grew quiet and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked, her heart skipping a beat. 

“I’m suppose to work with my mom this summer.” Clarke explained. “But I don’t want to.” 

“Oh, why not?” Lexa asked. 

“I-“ Clarke started, but she was afraid to continue. She feared that Lexa may think of her differently, even though she knew how much the brunette loved her. Despite this, it was an anxiety that grew greater inside of her each day. 

“I don’t know if I want to be a doctor,” her voice was dry. 

“Oh.” Lexa responded. “Well, what are you thinking?” 

“I love art and I just feel like it’s what I am supposed to do.” Clarke stared at the grass on the ground. 

Lexa pulled Clarke’s chin to look at her. “Baby, that’s great. You are an amazing artist. Why do you seem so sad about that?” 

Clarke shrugged. “I just wasn’t sure how you would react.” 

“Clarke, I will always support you in whatever you chose to do. I think it’s great.” Lexa smiled softly at her. 

Clarke beamed. “You know that means that I will never make a lot of money?” Clarke asked if she didn’t comprehend that. 

Lexa laughed. “I don’t care about money. All I want is to be with you and make sure you are the happiest you can be.” 

“You make me the happiest person in the world.” They locked eyes. “And the luckiest.” 

"Now I just have to talk to my mom without ruining our new relationship." Clarke sighed. 

Lexa squeezed her hand. "Abby will be fine. Besides, we can do it together." 

Clarke looked at her and couldn't let herself look away. There was Lexa Woods- her beautiful girlfriend. Her face was glowing at Clarke, showing her perfect white teeth in a grin. Clarke felt her heart melt. She thought that she would go crazy for this girl. She would do anything- literally anything to protect her and make her happy. 

"I need to talk to Indra, too. And tell her about you," Lexa blushed. 

"You haven't told her about me yet?" Clarke's lower lip popped out. 

Lexa kissed it, and the two women laid happily in the grass together.


	21. Chapter 21

Final exams were coming up. Clarke spent most of her evenings studying in the library. She preferred the third floor, and felt frustrated when someone took the desk in the corner that she usually occupied. Lately, she hadn’t been spending as much time in the library as before. Clarke thought about this and she realized there were many reasons. For one, Lexa was a distraction, but she also used to be with Finn and secretly wanted an excuse to not spend time with him. She hadn’t had a lot of time to reflect on her relationship with Finn, but when she did, it just made her feel like an idiot for staying with him that long. Hoe lucky she was to be with Lexa now! She hadn’t been studying as much because she didn’t care about getting into med school as much as before. That’s not what she wanted anymore, and sure it gave her anxiety. So much anxiety that it felt like her body would shake harder than an earthquake. But Clarke could feel it in her chest- creating art and being and Lexa was the most beautiful and real life that she could imagine. She smiled to herself. 

When she returned home from the library, she was surprised that Octavia was still awake. 

“How’s that relationship with your mom going?” Ocatavia asked her.

Clarke stopped. “It’s fine, I guess. We talk a little bit more.” 

“Do you think she’ll be mad about the whole art thing?” She questioned. 

She twisted her face and replied, “I think she’ll be confused. I hope that things can stay okay between us. I mean, it just feels refreshing.” 

“You are the one living your life, Griffin.” Octavia smiled motivationally. Clarke didn’t have enough energy to smile back at her. 

“Are you doing okay?” Octavia noticed.

“Yeah, I am just exhausted.” Clarke said walking to her room and plopping on her bed. It felt like she was drowning in exam questions and study materials.   
The next day, Clarke agreed to let Lexa come to the library to study with her. She hadn’t seen her girlfriend all week, and she could tell the brunette was getting irritated. Clarke knew that it was a bad idea to study with Lexa- she could be so damn distracting. 

Lexa tapped her pen on the table, while her eyes ran through her notebook. 

Clarke glared at her. “Lexa, please.” Her head nudged towards the tapping pen. 

“Sorry,” Lexa smiled apologetically. Next, she began tapping her foot. 

Clarke groaned loudly. “Has anyone ever told you that you have ADD?” 

Lexa half smiled and half frowned. “No.” 

“I can’t study with you,” Clarke said annoyed. 

“Fine, let’s take a break then.” The brunette smirked. 

“Lex, I really can’t.” Clarke felt sweat bead down the back of her neck. 

“Come on, babe. It’s time to eat anyway. Aren’t you hungry?” Lexa inquired. 

Clarke shook her head. “I can’t eat! I have to study.” 

Lexa was silent for a moment, and her eyebrows furrowed. She looked over at Clarke. Her blonde hair was pulled out of her face into a neat ponytail. Red speckled across her blank face followed by her freckled that you could only see in the sunlight. 

“Clarke…?” Lexa felt her pulse. “When is the last time you ate?” 

“This morning.” Clarke replied quickly. 

“No, like a full meal?” Lexa questioned feeling worry swell inside of her. 

“I don’t Lexa. I don’t have time to think about that, and I don’t have time to be having this conversation with you.” Clarke spat.

Lexa frowned. “You need to eat.” 

Clarke sighed. It looked like she wanted to flip the table over. “I don’t think you’re understanding.” 

Lexa closed Clarke’s laptop. Clarke’s mouth gaped open. “Oh, I’m understanding.” Lexa replied nodding her head. “We’re going to get food.” 

“I am not going anywhere. You are not the boss of me. And clearly, you’re not a good person to study with!” Clarke felt her anger rising. 

Lexa stood up and knelt next to Clarke. She took her hand, but Clarke only hung her head and didn’t make eye contact. Tears began dripping down her face. Soon, she was bawling, desperately trying to breathe in and out. Her face was folded in her arms pressed against the table. 

“It’s okay, baby.” Lexa cooed as she rubbed her back with her free hand. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Lexa whispered, and Clarke nodded in agreement. 

Lexa guided her to her car. Clarke tremble with tears, burying her face into her knees. Lexa navigated back to her apartment. Rain poured down upon the women as they scurried inside. In Lexa’s room, Lexa pulled the blanket over Clarke’s body. She wrapped her arms around her and whispered softly into her ear. 

“Everything is okay, babe.” Lexa cooed holding the blonde. After a few minutes, she stopped crying. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke choked out and began crying again. 

“Shh. Just relax. It’s okay.” Lexa whispered back. “I’m gonna go get you some food. You are going to eat it. Then you’re going to fall asleep. And we can talk later, yeah? Does that sound okay?”

Clarke nodded. When Lexa returned, she had Clarke’s favorite Chinese food. Clarke smiled as her stomach rumbled loudly. 

“Thank you, Lexa. You’re the best!” Clarke smiled at her sitting up. Her body felt weak. 

“How are you feeling?” Lexa asked. 

“Fine,” she replied. Silence followed. 

“I just have been spending a lot of time studying. I got a little carried away.” Clarke continued her face flushed. 

“Baby, I know that finals are stressful, but you need to take care of yourself.” Lexa said wholeheartedly. 

“I know,” Clarke sighed. 

“Promise me that you will,” Lexa pleaded. 

“I promise.” Clarke said quickly. 

But they both had a gut feeling that she was going to break it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jealous lexa

Lexa and Anya sat together in a coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon. Both of them had their face buried in their laptops, rapidly trying to memorize information for their classes. Lexa had always been bad at tests, but she didn’t give her grades that much power over her. Besides, in the business world, it was all about who you know, and Lexa could be really charming. 

“So…” Anya rang slowly. 

“So,” Lexa mimicked not looking up from her laptop. 

“You didn’t tell Indra and Augustus about Aden.” The older woman said.

Lexa stopped typing and looked up. She furrowed her eyebrows. “Is that a question or a statement?” 

“Lexa.” Anya rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, okay. I haven’t mentioned it.” She huffed sitting back in her seat. 

“What the fuck! Why not?” Anya hissed. 

“I just didn’t want to involve them in more of my family bullshit.” Lexa explained harshly, her voice practically whispering now. 

“Come on.” Anya cried. “You know you are family.” 

Lexa sipped her coffee sighing. “Did you tell them?” 

“I kinda had to!” Anya said defensively. 

“Fuck,” Lexa muttered. 

“What were you planning on doing anyway?” Anya’s voice was rising. 

“I have not come to a conclusion yet.” Lexa answered calmly. “If he doesn’t want help, he doesn’t want it.” 

Anya’s face dropped. She cocked her head to the right and stared at Lexa. “We both know that will never work.” 

Lexa only shrugged and went back to typing on her computer. 

“I can’t deal with this during dead week.” 

“Well, you could have dealt with it earlier.” Anya commented rolling her eyes. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Lexa glared at the older woman, who cracked a smile. 

...  
Later that afternoon, Lexa went for a run. She ran around the neighborhoods, taking in the views of the Victorian styled houses and the fresh breeze. The houses made her dream about the future. Owning a cute small house with a garden and a swing on the porch. 

As she was running down her street, Clarke called her. 

“Hey, babe.” Lexa panting. 

“Lexa! What are you doing?” Clarke sounded rushed. 

“I just got done with a run.”

“Can you please come pick us up from the library. I am so sleep deprived. I don’t think I can make it home.” Clarke said dramatically. 

Lexa smiled. “Sure. I’ll be right there. Who are you with?” 

“Just Bellamy. Thanks, babe. I love you.” She hung up the phone. 

Lexa frowned. Clarke was studying at the library with Bellamy? She felt anger rise up inside of her, but she tried to swallow it down. Were they alone? After Clarke knew that he liked her? 

Lexa couldn’t control her emotions. She discovered this when she accidently slammed the car door shut. 

“Shit,” she muttered to herself. She told herself to just take deep breathes. 

When she drove up to the library, Clarke and Bellamy stood there laughing. Clarke touched Bellamy’s shoulder, like he just mentioned something that she did as a child. The brunette’s heart sank. 

“Hi, Lex!” Clarke jumped as she rolled into the car. Bellamy slid his built body in the back seat. 

“Hey, Lexa! Thanks for giving us a ride.” His white teeth flashed. 

“No problem,” Lexa forced a smile. She quickly looked at Clarke who was seemed to be so enveloped in the conversation with Bellamy. Lexa drove to Bellamy’s apartment and dropped him off. 

“I thought you were tired,” Lexa pointed out grumpily. 

“I am exhausted.” Clarke said closing her eyes to fake fall asleep. 

“You don’t look exhausted.” Lexa muttered. 

“I’m in the hyper tired stage,” the blonde explained. Lexa didn’t look at her, but she could feel her eyes on her. She had no control over her face at the moment. Her eyebrows and lips were turned downward. 

“Come nap with me.” Clarke touched Lexa’s arm, giving her goosebumps. 

“I should probably go and study.” Lexa replied bitterly. 

Clarke’s hand recoiled. “Oh.” An awkward amount of silence followed. Lexa felt like someone stabbed her in the heart. She hated disappointing Clarke, but she also didn’t want to start anything between them. Her face softened. 

“Is everything okay?” Clarke asked eventually her voice shaking. 

“I just need to study, Clarke. You bail on me all of the time to study.” Lexa retorted. 

Clarke frowned. “I don’t bail on you?” 

“You just did like two days ago!” Lexa pointed out. 

“Is that why you’re mad?” Clarke asked confused. 

“Were you at the library with just Bellamy?” Lexa questioned.

“Yes?” Clarke was not following. 

“Even though you know that he liked you.” Lexa continued through her teeth. 

“Lexa,” Clarke shook her head. “Bellamy and I have been friends forever.” 

“But you liked him. And he likes you, so it’s different. And you’re hanging out alone.” Lexa spat. 

“So what? You think something happened?” Clarke spat. 

“Baby, no. I trust you,” Lexa said softly. 

“Good. We are just friends.” Clarke confirmed. 

“But I don’t trust him. He literally made a move on you while we were dating!” Lexa shot. 

Clarke was silent. They had arrived at Clarke’s apartment, but the two women just sat in the car. Lexa could feel her heart beating against her chest. 

“You’re not wrong.” Clarke finally breathed out. “He has been flirty.” 

Lexa was fuming. Clarke reached over and touched her leg. “I shut him down, babe. You mean the world to me.” 

“I don’t want you two hanging out alone.” Lexa demanded.

The blonde shook her head. “Lex,” Clarke sighed, but she paused. “I can’t just not hang out with him. He is important to me and we are good friends. He’s like my brother. But I will take it into consideration, okay? I’ll try to avoid hanging out with him individually until he gets the message, but I don’t want things to be weird between us.” 

“Clarke-“ Lexa began.

“Baby, please. We have to compromise here. I will tell you when I hangout with him and why, okay?” Clarke pleaded squeezing Lexa’s hand. “I don’t want to miss out on a nap with you because of him. I really don’t want to fight with you.” 

“I don’t want to fight either,” Lexa frowned. 

“Will you come nap with me now?” Clarke asked with her puppy eye dogs. 

Lexa smiled. “How can you nap so much?” 

Clarke shrugged, but she knew the answer. 

“Fine, I’ll nap with you.” Lexa agreed, making Clarke beam. A part of Lexa still felt unsettled.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little busy with life but I am back! I promise I will write more frequently. Remember Clexa is always endgame

A phone buzzed against the wooden desk. Lexa felt her body jolt awake, as she groaned. She had fallen asleep in the middle of the day again. 

“Hi Indra,” Lexa said groggily answering the phone. 

“Lexa. How are you doing?” Indra asked. 

“I’ll be better when my finals are over,” Lexa replied honestly. 

“Hmmm…maybe we should talk about this when you’re done with your semester then.” Her voice was sharp. 

“Talk about what?” the brunette asked, her heart beating fast. 

“Aden.” 

“Oh,” Lexa frowned. Her body weight felt heavy. There was a long moment of silence on the phone. 

“Look,” Lexa began. “I’m sorry that you had to hear about it from Anya. I was just thinking.” 

“He’s coming to live with us.” Indra stated, ignoring Lexa.

“What?” Lexa was flabbergasted. 

“He agreed to our conditions. And it’s his last chance.” Her voice was piercing. 

“Did you speak with him?” Lexa was confused. 

“Yes.” 

“So you know he’s in a gang? That he is taking the blame of someone who shot someone.” Lexa pointed out. She wanted to make sure that Indra and Augustus knew what they were getting into. Aden wouldn’t be a walk in the park, not that Lexa was either. But if they thought that Lexa was difficult, it was obvious that Aden would be worse. He grew up with the same mother and no boundaries in his life. Lexa’s heart ached for her younger brother. 

“I am aware.” 

Lexa didn’t say anything, but she began breathing heavily. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you or Augustus because of him. Because of me.” 

“We live states away from where he is now. We can handle Aden.” Indra assured.

“I know. Thank you. I appreciate what you are trying to do.” Lexa whispered. 

“We’re excited to see you in a few week, Lexa. Good luck on your finals. And please make sure Anya is studying.” Indra said. 

Lexa laughed. “See you soon.” 

“Oh, and Lexa?” Indra caught her before the younger woman hung up. “We would love to meet Clarke.” 

...  
Her body was fueled with anxiety. Aden living with Indra and Augustus? Following rules? Going to school? This was going to be a disaster, and Lexa could see it playing out in her mind. A monstrous headache took over Lexa. When these things happened, there was only one person to make her feel better.   
She called Clarke, but it was sent to voicemail. She tried calling her again, but there was no answer. Something overtook Lexa’s body, a rush, an instinct. Lexa needed to see Clarke. Needed the soft touch of Clarke’s hands on hers, gently rubbing circles. Needed to hear the deep voice of the blonde, sitting wide eyed across from Lexa, comforting the woman. She needed to feel her presence close to her. 

Before she knew what she was doing, she was in her car driving to Clarke’s apartment. Rushing, she pounded her fists against the door.   
But who was behind the door was not who she expected.

“Lexa?” The man asked. It was Bellamy.

Lexa felt like she had been smashed against the wall. Her eyes gazed into the back where Clarke was approaching. 

“Lex, what are you doing here?” Clarke asked confused. Her eyes darted from Bellamy to Lexa. She was nervous. 

Lexa’s looks were killer. Her eyes burned on Clarke. Gaping, a part of her told her to run. To leave and tuck herself into her bed. But that was not all of it. It smelled like marijuana, which made Lexa even more angry in the moment. 

“Are you smoking?” Lexa asked bitterly. She already knew the answer. 

Clarke’s face fell. “Yes.” She replied slowly. 

The blonde glanced over at Bellamy who was watching the situation unfold. He cleared him throat. “I should probably head out.” 

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked again. 

“What are you doing with him? Smoking?” Lexa was fuming. 

Clarke threw her head back. “It is not what it looks like, Lex.” 

Lexa rolled her eyes. “I can’t deal with this right now.” She shifted to leave. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait. What’s wrong?” Clarke asked moving slowly towards her. Her eyes were bloodshot red, similar to Lexa’s, but for different reasons. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Lexa whispered sadly. 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s wrist to stop her from taking another step. When her fingertips touched her skin, Lexa yelped and flinched back. Lexa’s heart was beating fast, and she tried to breathe deeply to calm down. Instead, tears were rolling down her face. 

“I’m so sorry. I- I wasn’t thinking.” Clarke stumbled. 

“You’re high.” Lexa said quietly. The blonde buried her face in her palms. 

“Please stay here. Please talk to me.” Clarke said biting her fingernails. 

Lexa was silent for a few moments. Eventually, she nodded, and swept her tears away. 

Clarke stood with her arms extended widely. Lexa fell into her arms and buried her head in her shoulder. 

After a moment, Lexa stood back from Clarke. She was calm, cool, and collected, unlike moments before. “Clarke,” her voice rasped, “No. I can’t do this with you anymore.” 

“Do what?” Clarke asked wide-eyed. 

“Any of it.” Lexa squeezed her eyes shut and walked out the door, leaving Clarke behind.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and feedback. Hope you are enjoying :)

A week passed without word from Lexa. Clarke was miserable. She hadn’t felt this much pain since her dad died. 

“Clarke? It’s the end of the semester. You really should come out with us.” Octavia pleaded with her friend after being rejected by Clarke. 

“I-,” Clarke began. “No.” 

“I know you’re sad. Maybe it would help to talk about it. You haven’t said much. It’s starting to scare me.” Octavia’s voice was light as if she were walking on eggshells. 

“Okay.” The blonde breathed. She was curled up in a blanket on the couch. Her friend sat on top of the wooden table, while Clarke sat up. 

“I messed up. In a lot of ways.” She admitted weakly.

Octavia furrowed her eyebrows, cocking her head at the blonde. “How?” 

“Lexa doesn’t like me hanging out with Bellamy alone because he hits on me. I can’t not hang out with him because he’s like a brother to me, but I agreed to do it less and let her know when I do. The next day he came over to help you fix your light, and when you left, Lexa came in. I was so high that I forgot she doesn’t like being touched in arguments. I don’t think she really likes me smoking either. But she was so upset. She needed me, but I couldn’t be there for her.” Clarke’s eyes were as sad as her heart. A tear rolled down her cheek. She felt defeated. 

“You’re telling me that you broke up because of Bellamy?” Octavia’s eyebrows shot to her forehead.

“No. She broke up with me because of me.” Clarke’s voice was hoarse. 

“He’s been hitting on you? When he knows you’re with Lexa?” Octavia was pacing around the room, fuming. 

Clarke watched Octavia, stunned by her reaction. 

“I’m going to kill him!” She shrieked. “And you! Are you crazy?” Her finger pointed at Clarke accusingly. 

“What?” Clarke scratched her head. 

“You would let him ruin your relationship? With Lexa? Your soulmate? Don’t you understand that you completely disregarded her VALID feelings. For what? To keep hanging out with my brother sometimes?” Octavia yelled. 

Clarke stood there with her mouth hung open. Octavia continued, “The love of your life!” 

“I wasn’t thinking about it that way,” Clarke admitted. 

“How were you thinking about it?” She took a deep breathe to calm herself. 

“She was telling me what to do. It came off as controlling, and I guess it just scared me.” Clarke’s voice was low. 

“Lexa is not Finn. Maybe how you interpreted that shows more about you than her.” Octavia pointed out. Abruptly, she slammed the door to her room. Clarke was left alone again. 

...  
“Lex, please come hang out with us. It’s the last week that I’ll be able to see you!” Raven pleaded with the tall brunette as she poured herself coffee. 

“I already said no.” Lexa scowled. 

“She’s right. The semester is almost over. It could be fun.” Anya pointed out smiling. 

“Stop pouting and come party!” Raven danced. 

“I’m not pouting,” Lexa frowned defensively. 

Raven and Anya laughed. “Clarke will not be there.” Raven sang. Lexa flinched at the name. 

“Are you really not going to talk to her before summer?” Raven pried. 

“I don’t know. It’s none of your business.” Lexa snapped. 

“It might be good to talk about it.” Raven suggested. 

“Lexa isn’t a big talker,” Anya answered. Lexa glared at them slamming the door to her room shut. 

Raven banged the door to her room. “Come on, Lex! I’m sorry. No more talk of her. I promise. If you won’t hang out with us tonight, at least hang out with us now.”   
After a few moments, Lexa emerged from her room. She looked grumpy. 

Raven beamed. “There she is. So happy to be with us.” Pointing to the pout on Lexa’s face, the girlfriends laughed. 

“Anya, maybe we should start charging her rent.” Lexa suggested. 

The smile disappeared off of Raven’s face, as Lexa and Anya laughed. 

“I do want to talk about Clarke, though.” Lexa said seriously making the other two women snap their heads at her. 

“I just don’t know if I want to talk to her because maybe she’s not the person that I thought that she was.” Lexa frowned. She looked at the wall as if she were deep in thought. 

“She is.” Raven assured quickly. Lexa glared at her thinking about how she was one of Clarke’s best friends. 

“Clarke is an absolute idiot, yes. And I won’t make excuses for her about what happened. But she is a genuinely good person.” the Latina continued. 

“I see you, Lex. I see you dying. Losing the light. Like you did with Costia. I don’t like it.” Anya whispered. 

“It might help to just talk to Clarke at least. It doesn’t have to be more than that.” Raven inquired. 

“She’s probably doing better without me,” Lexa said sadly. 

Raven laughed sarcastically. “I promise you that is not true. You are Clarke are soulmates.”

“Soulmates?” Lexa half asked herself and half asked the others. "Do you think anything happened with Bellamy?"

"No. Clarke would never do that. And if she did, I would kill her for you." Raven responded. Lexa smiled softly.

“I’ve never seen you as happy as you are with Clarke.” Anya explained. “Do you want it to be over?”

“No.” Lexa answered. 

“Maybe you just need to start with setting some boundaries.” Raven said.

“She didn’t care what about what I had to say. She didn’t listen to how I felt.” Lexa explained. 

“Maybe this distance and silence was another way of telling her how you feel.” Her friend said. 

Lexa was silent for a moment. “I’m gonna go talk to Clarke.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are forever soulmates :)

Clarke laid on her bed staring blankly at the wall, as if her last redeeming quality was hidden inside of it. Guilt and disappointment filled her up like a balloon, slowly waiting to pop. Lexa hadn’t returned a single text or call in eight days now. Clarke could barely get out of bed. Why would she wake up when she felt like half of her was missing? 

Octavia had been checking in on her friend frequently. Reminding her to eat, shower, study, and sleep. The brunette spent most of her day hovering over Clarke, yet Clarke still felt like she spent too much time alone. Desperately, she tried to call Lexa again. Voicemail.

Abruptly, she heard a knock on the front door. Her body waited for a moment as she assumed Octavia would get it. Octavia was not home she had to remind herself. Rolling out of bed, she untangled her messy hair and turned the doorknob open.

When she saw who was on the other side of the door, her heart dropped. Lexa coolly leaned against the door frame. 

“Hey,” Lexa said softly shrugging.

“Hi.” Clarke said as if she was begging for her to come in. Tears threatened to slip out, but she held herself back. 

“I figured we should talk.” Lexa sighed.

Clarke nodded and gestured for her to enter into her apartment. Lexa walked past the blonde and sat on the couch. Clarke took a moment to look at Lexa, as she hadn’t seen her in days. It had felt like an eternity to be without Lexa. Her personal hell. She smiled as she starred at Lexa’s lake green eyes, like she was being thrown back into the moments with her. 

Lexa was silent, and Clarke didn’t want to miss the opportunity to explain herself to the brunette. 

“Lexa, I’ve really missed you. These past few days have been hard without you. I’m really glad you’re here.” Clarke said slowly, a tear escaping from her. 

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke continued before Lexa could say anything. “You were right. I just hope that you will let me explain what happened.” 

“Okay,” Lexa said so quietly that Clarke almost didn’t hear it. 

“You were right about Bellamy, and I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. Last week when he came over, it wasn’t to hang out with me. He came to fix Octavia’s fan. And then they started smoking and offered me some. Then Octavia left and you came over. I just want you to know that nothing would ever happen with him. Nothing would even happen with anyone. I would give up anyone and anything for you in a heartbeat, Lexa. I’ll never see him again, Lexa. Please, I need you.” Clarke’s eyes were red and she was sobbing into her hands. 

“You understand why I am angry, right?” Lexa asked unphased by the woman crying in front of her. 

“Yes,” Clarke replied wiping away her tears. “I didn’t listen to how you felt. Because I was being an idiot.” 

“It was disrespectful, Clarke.” Lexa said sadly looking away. 

“I understand that now. I’m really sorry, Lexa.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “What do you need?” 

“I don’t know,” Lexa responded honestly. 

“I can give you more space,” Clarke suggested with a hint of disappointment. 

“I don’t want space from you.” Lexa cried. 

“I don’t either,” Clarke smiled and began crying at the same time. 

Lexa opened her arms and Clarke fell into her body. They clung together tightly, as if they were intertwined. 

“I missed you so much,” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s neck. 

“I missed you too.” Lexa replied. She pulled away from the hug. 

“I think we need to set some boundaries though.” Lexa said uneasily. 

Clarke gulped but nodded. “What do you need?” 

“I need you to acknowledge my feelings and to respect me.” Lexa stated.

“Lexa, I do respect you, and I promise that I always will.” Her blue eyes looked into Lexa’s. “I’ll never do anything to mess this up again. I love you so much.” 

“I love you.” Lexa smiled.

“Does that mean that I can be your girlfriend again?” Clarke asked hopefully. 

Lexa smiled slowly and nodded, “Yes.” 

“But only if you buy me Chinese for dinner.” Lexa added, making the two women laugh.


End file.
